Where oh, where will our true guidance come from?
With a deluge of information coming at each of us, Who can we trust to guide us? After 2 failed IVF’s, 6 cycles of Clomid and more IUI’s than we can count, is the fertility doctor that says he’ll never give up on us someone whose advice we should follow?
My sister just read this great article by a fertility specialist on a new ovulation kit, I don’t like to use one but maybe I should?
My fertility doctor says I should be taking prenatals, but this book I was reading says prenatals are for pregnant women…”
These are among the many questions I hear from the women and couples in my workshops.
The Fertile Heart™ OVUM work – an original birthing practice I developed in the last decade and a half – is about cultivating what I call an Inner Fertility Authority, a trustworthy inner voice we can count on, when the cacophony of other people’s opinions – be they fertility doctors, acupuncturists, therapists or mother-in laws — becomes paralyzing. How do we do that? Or do we have to do anything? Can’t we just rely on our intuition?
For me, part of the process is to allow for the possibility that the voice of Inner Knowing, the one we can trust, is competing with countless other voices within us.
In the language of the Fertile Heart™ OVUM work, we call those frightened, confused inner voices in our own hearts — the aspects of our nature that stop us from moving forward — the Orphans. We all have them. I’m pretty sure his Holiness, the Dalai Lama has a few Orphans he wrestles with every once in a while. I’m remembering how shocked some of my friends were to hear that Mother Theresa had bouts of depression. She was a humanoid.
And as long as we’re in the human form our Orphans are part of us.
The good news is that they provide us with the best possible preparation for parenting. They also provide us for the best preparation for becoming fully human. The Dalai Lama and Mother Theresa are who they are because of, not in spite of, their Orphans.
But those fragile, abandoned aspects of our nature become a source of strength only if we’re willing to stop and give them the love and attention they’re looking for when they begin to come out of hiding.
A lovely young mom, hoping to use the Fertile Heart™ tools to help her conceive a second child emailed me from Scotland to arrange for a private class. We scheduled the session three weeks in advance, and in her note she let me know she was taking a day off from work for our talk.
I walked into my office a few minutes before the scheduled time and there were several messages from Maggie (not her real name) on the voice mail. She called first at 5:30 in the morning. And then left several other messages throughout the next few hours. Her voice was not neutral.
At 10:30 there was no call.
After an email or two and a productive phone session this episode morphed into a huge eye opener for Maggie. To have an idea that some part of you is conflicted about having a baby is one thing, to actually see that part of you in action — is quite another.
The idea that part of Maggie – for reasons that were a mystery to her — didn’t want to walk toward her child as eagerly as she thought she did, was now much more real. And hopefully, she can now engage with that part of her, and get to understand what that inner Orphan is trying to say. Her next step can then be guided by a stronger, more aware part of her.
I used to think that after twenty some years of therapy things will be smooth sailing all the way. No more conflicts, no more self-destructive behavior.
Not quite the way things seemed to be playing out. Which is why I’m monumentally grateful to have something solid to work with. That’s what the Fertile Heart OVUM tools are for me. A safe zone. A place I can enter when I need a little help doing the human gig.
I’d love to hear what comes up for your as you read this and hope to connect with you on the Fertile Heart Fertility Support Teleconference next Monday
Julia
Hi Julia and all the fertile heart friends,
I am very new to Julia’s work as I have only discovered this website last month and have ordered Julia’s books and read both in the last few days.I am excited and indeed a little apprehensive about my new diet and the new tools but I am more than ready to try.
All that i have read about Julia’s work inspires me and I hope I can participate fully.
Thank you Julia.
Hello everyone,
That’s how it felt to be talking to the phone circle of international strangers who share something of the same path…. it felt like I was saying… Hello Everyone! I’ve been wanting to meet you!
I’ve been feeling so much lighter and less in the fog of the fertility crazies.
I have a question to put out there to whoever can relate. I am not dealing with any hormonal shifts and I’m wondering if the Fertile Heart work can be just as easily focussed on fallopian tube issues – and if it can still be possible to clear my way through this type of “blockage” with the power of mind. I have one open side and one side that is apparently blocked but with the HSG they can’t really see how severely blocked it might be. So with an open side, I still haven’t gotten pregnant in 4 years. My heart tells me that the blockage is elsewhere in me and that this work will help me. I’m looking for some feedback on that thought if anyone has an idea!
Thanks,
Danielle
hi julia and fertile hearters…
first, happy birthday julia! it was so wonderful to sing to you on monday as a community. i hope your day was full and juicy! i am continuing to grow within myself and this community and I am grateful to have this blog as a place to come to as a another thread to strengthen my inner authority. in the sea of anti inner authority waves in the world it is wonderful to know that one by one we are all both strengthening ourselves as individuals and as a society rebirthing itself to true health and vibrancy. heading to work after a short body truth moment. thank you! jasmin
Hi all,
Congratulations Julia on getting the blog going! It appears to be getting a good bit of response. I have really connected to the lesson of being your own authority this year. It is coming up in many parts of my life from family, career, and my fertility which started this journey. The OVUM tools really helped me open up and reconnect parts of myself and most importantly to recognize and listen to my own voice. I have really enjoyed finally after so many years connecting to my body in a very different way through food and movement. I always did exercise and eat “right” (low fat,) but all of that really just had me in a battle with my body instead of a true relationship. One thing which has really emerged for me in the last few months as a place of stagnation is a history of sexual abuse as a child which I had thought for the last 10 years or so to have been “resolved.” The OVUM work helped me finally hear and feel more clearly how this part of my past was still alive and really just stuck in stone. I believe the OVUM work in combination with the therapy I have gone back into for the issue really work well together. The therapy I am doing for the abuse uses a process called EMDR which really helps to process memories which have seemed impossible to put to rest with just talk therapy. I have been having images of the stone just breaking apart and starting to fall away from myself. In my journey to our second baby I realized I had a lot of fear and concern that if she is a little girl will I be able to protect her? I am actively now dealing with my little orphaned girl and realizing if we do have a girl or another boy for that matter they will be perfectly fine and free and having nothing to worry about.
all the best,Gal
The gift of being able to help people and make a difference in the world, is truly a most wonderful thing.
I believe in hope for mankind – that we can work through our Orphans and return to the spiritual, loving, pure joyous beings we once were, and still are inside.
Visualise everyone in the world applying Julia’s methods, working through their pain with love and support and then emerging a happier, more peaceful individual. We would have a world as we’ve never known before – a Palace of fresh, sparkling white light, where joy, love and wonderment fill the air everywhere you go and peace is felt within and around all.
I believe that maybe this is where it can all begin – we can be the ripple effect and together we can create something lost a long time ago, but that wants to be found and cherished again. We are all such amazingly powerful individuals and our abilities stretch far beyond our beliefs. If we are been able to visualize anything I have mentioned here, then our power to create this world is closer than we think!
I don’t question where these beliefs come from that I have – I just feel them and believe in them.
It’s a little scary to write all this and wonder whether some of you may think I’m on a cloud somewhere, so I’m a little on a limb, but I’m pushing to make a change – to heal ourselves and the world, and that’s a good thing!
Love and thanks, Christine.
Julia,
Congrats on the blog. I really enjoyed reading it. I have read both of your books but have just begun to apply what I have read and use some of the tools. I only hope your blogs and phone circles can bring me as far as some of the other commenters have come.
Dear Friends, I’m celebrating my 60th birthday next week, and each of your thoughtful, beautifully articulated posts feels like a birthday present, and a validation of the work that began almost 18 years ago. Never thought 60 would feel like this. I’m not having anymore babies as far as I know, but i do feel radically fertile
Your generous words energize me to keep deepening my commitment to do what it takes to turn Fertile Heart not just into a useful resource and website but a true community of caring compassionate humanoids. I look forward to addressing some of the questions in Rina’s, Paola’s and Laurel’s posts in the phone circle. Hope to connect with some of you Monday night.
Just to put it out there, several new moms are asking for a Fertile Heart Moms Circle, so it’s definitely something I’m hoping to lead in the near future.
Julia, I will be forever grateful to you for providing me with the opportunity to connect with my orphans and with my inner authority. If it wasn’t for this work I don’t believe that my beautiful miracle baby would be here. I hope my story can help and if anyone wants to email me please feel free anytime- Leslieazz@aol.com
Here’s my Miracle sory:
In 2003 I was diagnosed with elevated FSH (premature ovarian failure or premature menopause). I was 37 years old and was told that I would never conceive a baby with my own eggs.
I went to Cornell, NYU and RMA, all the “finest” institutions for fertility and none of them would treat me. Cornell and RMA told me and my husband that we could never have a baby with my own eggs.
The diagnosis of infertility was excruciating but I was determined to reverse this diagnosis. After searching and searching I was able to find a few caring and competent physicians who were willing to work with me. I had many IVF treatments and more than 6 miscarriages (mostly chemical pregnancies), but never a live birth.
Since the medical community offered me very little options I knew that I was going to have to make something change inside of me, but I had no idea how to do that. My family legacy is all about achievement. I was taught that I need to achieve to feel good about myself. And I was never good enough. I was constantly beating myself up. I married a lovely man but he too is critical.
By the time I came to Julia’s workshop I was really devastated. I was relentlessly trying everything that the medical science had to offer, but the pain and desperation I felt with every miscarriage were increasing to unbearable levels and led us many to the point of giving up. I have been in therapy throughout my life but one meeting with Julia opened my eyes to what I had been doing to myself all my life, more than years of therapy ever did. She is a rare healer who profoundly affects the lives of those who work with her.
She taught me that to create the life I want and to become a mother I had to first learn to be my own ultimate Mom. And learn to love myself unconditionally. And she taught me through her tools how to do that.
Julia taught me to me to love myself through unconditional love – regardless of how much I beat myself up she relentlessly loved me until I got it. I am loveable including my “flaws”.
Julia’s love touched me in a way that allowed me to feel safe enough to start letting go and when I did that, I could feel that I wasn’t alone anymore. For the first time in my life I felt the warmth of something greater than myself touching me. The inner change that Julia triggered in me with the power of giving and receiving love unconditionally opened me to the miracle of motherhood.
Through Julia’s gifted work, both my husband and I have learned to be aware of this and pass the love on to our beautiful baby daughter Isabella Grace. She is truly perfect, as we all are.
Hi Julia,
Congratualtions on your blog! I am very excited to read more. When reading your post I had such memories of reading Maggie’s story for the first time which was about a year ago. I have come so far in that year thanks to you and your work. As I read, I could feel the baby growing inside me kick and move as tears rolled down my face and it was as if a light bulb went on inside my head-I realized it was that point in time when I finally put aside all that I had read, all that I had been told, let go of the orphans and finally listened to my inner voice that I became pregnant. Once I really followed my heart I had such confidence that it would happen, I knew I would have a second baby. When the doctor left me a message telling me what a miracle it was that I was pregnant, I thought “yes a miracle, but not in the way he was referring to”. When you can finally relax and just let go; when you have worked through your orphans and can finally just sit with yourself, you will feel it, you will know you are ready. I can not thank you enough for all the support, kind words and wisdom you provided that led me to the condition I am in now…17 weeks pregnant. Thank you…this stuff really works!!!
Thanks Julia from the bottom of my heart,
Kristen
Thank you Julia, for the blog, the circle and all the love you give and the peace that you give. It’s so inspiring to hear all the everyone’s stories, it is making me realise that things might just be the way they were meant to be, and to enjoy life now, I mean really enjoy not the pretence that says – its ok when its not. It’s not easy but I feel that I am strong enough to start to take the small steps, my inner child is screaming to be heard and I am listening now. The call opened up lots and it does feel overwhleming at times but a strange sense of trust in myself. Thank you for all your love, patience and inspiration.
Maggie’s story reminds me that what we neglect to do can be as meaningful and as reavealing as what we do. Thank you for the post and for the moving phone circle last night.
Julia,
Congratulations on this blog!!! I so look forward to hearing your wisdom…I use it every day…especially…breathe.
Many thanks,
Kristie
Thank you for both this blog and re-starting the international phone circle Julia, its amazing that there is place that we can have these conversations, it helps so much. I’ve been amazed at how much has come up in just 6 weeks of doing some of the visualisation exercises in The Fertile Heart.
And this blog is so well timed for me. I am picking my way through a cacophony of voices and advice, much of this set up by myself in an attempt to help myself but perhaps I have been instead intending to confuse?! But these are real decisions to be made in terms of direction and at last I have a tool that I can use myself to help with that… if I dare. I read through the visualisation exercise on cutting off false authorities earlier this week and I was scared to do it, to even start it. So this week I’m using a different exercise. The blog has helped me realise that I have to go there… this is my journey, not one to be orchestrated by others, however well meaning.
We took a bit step this week and decided to stop doing the Foresight programme (hair-testing and nutritional supplements) because there is so much fear around it and we don’t need it to hear that any more. We told our Foresight practitioner today and she was very supportive and understanding. It was a big relief and its the first step.
The story of Maggie strengthens my believe that working with our issues and our story is perhaps the most important element in creating the life we want. The body follows. Sometimes it is necessary to start from the body, but it cannot be, at least for me, the only intervention. The problem is that my Inner voice often tells me things I would not like to hear and am unable to distinguish which is the voice of the orphan and which is the voice of the visionary. At the beginning I found it easy – or so I thought – to say, this is an orphan, this is a visionary, but the more I work on it, the more unsure I become.
Thank you Julia for listening to all of us.
Thank you Julia for continuing with your blog.
Thank you for starting up the European Phone Circle once more. It was really really great to reconnect with you and everyone else.
What strikes me most as I read your blog is how much engaging with this journey in a holistic way has changed me and the kind of mother I will be – because I have been able to really practice strengthening the voice of my UM and V. At times, as I embarked on a new way of being, of living, I became extremely overwhelmed. As if an opening happened and then all these orphans came through the floodgates. It took a lot of practice to be able to take a breath and distance myself from all this new ‘information’ and allow the kindness and compassion of my UM to reach me.
I have always believed that you have to do the work yourself. But it is only just recently that I feel I have really ‘got’ this on a deep level. That is why there was always something shallow for me about going to alternative treatments – as if I was missing something. I kept looking for someone out there to fix me when 1) I don’t need to be fixed of course! and 2) it meant I couldn’t really take responsibility for my own healing.
I still go to my alternative treatments but it is from a place of inner strength, choosing practitioners that support me on my journey. I am not looking for them to heal me. I feel I am doing a good job of that myself.
It has really taken me what feels like a long time, to trust my Inner Authority more. To strengthen that muscle.
Just lately, I was told about this new Scalar Wave Laser that is supposed to be amazing, super-douper and helps the body to clear cell memory so cells return to optimal health. I am usually very open to all this kind of stuff but for some reason, I was sceptical about this. This is the norm for my husband, who tends to have to be won over on things whereas I am very open. I signed up to go to the conference, all the while with this nagging feeling about the laser. I decided to rent one and we both tried it. Still, really questioning if this was for me. It brought up a lot of orphans. Will I be missing out on this amazing source of healing? How come it can work for others and I will be ‘denying’ myself this? And my usual orphan who is very concerned about making the RIGHT decision.
Anyway sorry to go on but it was a really useful experience. It was really amazing at the conference to experience, as I felt it, a cult-like energy around this laser with people bursting into applause when someone shared how it had cured x/y/z. I just knew it wasn’t for me, despite the ‘miraculous results’ it had for others. And it was very funny because as I did my inner work and breathed, I could hear Julia ask me, in the way you do Julia, “Suzanne, do you really think you need any kind of instrument to heal yourself other than your own beautiful self?”
It just brought home to me how all of us (or most of us) have that orphan who wants to be fixed/cured/have the magic treatment that will make us all better. And how I really really believe, as Julia says in the Fertile Female that there are no shortcuts anywhere worth going to.
Yes, I am sure that this laser can help the body and that it will help certain people on their path. But to me, it leaves out a fundamental healing – healing the wounded, inner parts of us – the orphans. It was clearly stated at this conference that in their opinion, all disease is caused by emotional or physical trauma. So people will be clearing the cell memory and what happens when all this emotional trauma rises to the surface? Who is there for them to turn to then? And I also feel there is a reason why it is stored in our cells……
I also wanted to share that the more I have done the work, the more able I have felt to conceive my own use of the tools. I was visiting my best friend and her two children last week and I got in touch with all this rage when her 2.5 yr old starting being alternately very assertive and bossy and then screaming crying. I was struggling with this rage and the desire I had to tell her to SHUT UP and be brusque with her. I hadn’t felt this way towards a child in probably 9 years (when I looked after a baby as a student summer job) so it really took me by surprise.
I conceived an imagery exercise where I gave myself 100% permission to scream and shout and tell her to Shut Up and I felt that in my body and I breathed and then I called in some supporters. The female line of my mother and father’s family appeared and were sitting on the ground, lined up one after the other (as you do in the Rock the Boat song – don’t know if you do that in the US too!). Anyway it was so wonderful to feel all their support behind me. That no matter what I did, they sat steady.
It transformed my experience of being with this toddler. I was patient and kind and able to see her for who she is. It was really wonderful!
Ok I think I have said enough now.
Thanks again to you Julia and everyone and I hope we will all gather together in the birthing of the European Fertile Heart community.
Suzanne
Julia,
Congratulations on the blog! As always, your words of wisdom are wonderful to read and incorporate into my journey towards my child. I believe very much in the inner wisdom and authority we all have inside of us. It is very nice to see the description of the orphans spelled out so clearly. They really do help us on our path to becoming parents, because they are in need of compassion and kindness. Exactly what our children would need during difficult times, dealing with difficult feelings. Thank you so much for helping to shine that light into the darkness (beautifully put by Marie). Looking forward to participating in this community more!
Thanks Julia, for everything: your new blog, your books, the phone circles… But most of all, thanks for the love that emanates from you!
I was so happy after our phone circle last night I couldn’t erase the smile from my face!
Thank you Julia for your website, your blog, your efforts in creating community, and your passion. I am thankful to have found you at this time in my journey.
This blog connects to one of the biggest struggles I am having-trusting my own voice and inner wisdom more than those external to me. Getting a diagnosis and a label of what is happening to my body has shaken my world-suddenly my entire reality has shifted. The image that comes to my mind to illustrate this is a picture of me standing on solid ground feeling safe and confident. Then, the doctor tells me they are concerned because I am actually standing on thin ice. I look down and realize it is ice and fear creeps in throughout my body and suddenly the fear results in the ice cracking. Suddenly i am in a panic freaking out about the water being too cold to survive, not knowing how i am going to avoid falling into the water, and how I can get back on solid ground. Meanwhile I keep looking out to the doctors, the acupuncturists, my family, and my husband to give me the way to safe ground. They are all around me telling me their opinion of the best way. As i am hearing their voices, I can also hear a smaller, quieter voice (my own) telling me what will work best, but it is so quiet, I think it is less powerful-it is not as convincing that it knows its advice will be what saves me. Instead I question it and think “well if I follow my voice, what if it is wrong and I drown and die?” So I remain in a state of indecision conflicted about following my own voice but second guessing it because other people have a different opinion.
I used to trust myself so much more. I want to get back to that. I want to claim my power and not offer ti to others. I am here, joining this community, to figure out how I got here and how to get to where I prefer to be-empowered and connected and trusting of my own inner voice of knowledge.
Hi Julia,
Congrats on the new blog! It is so exciting to have this and I look forward to building a community.
I love your post about listening to the inner authority, as even though I have been doing this work for awhile I find that it is the easier option to take another person’s advise be it a doctor, chiropractor, acupunturist or really anyone else except your own inner wisdom.
I have been very present with this in the last couple of weeks and I find being connected to my inner authority really grounds me. This is ME making the decisions in my life – how amazingly empowering!
Thank you for all that you do for us!
Sharmini
Just reread chapter 2 of the Fertile Female…I’m going to keep gathering my snowflakes! Thank you Julia.
Congrats on the new blog! This is wonderful. Look forward to reading more.
Thank you Julia. I can’t say that I really know what to write here, except that I am grateful for your words as I struggle. I can see myself in Rina’s note, and others too. I struggle. I have been in “hiding” for some months, since experiencing miscarriage #2. Some days I hear the voice of inner knowing loud and clear, other days, it is bearly audible. On the days I hear it, I see the light in my son’s eyes, and the ground I have covered to arrive at this glorious place where I am now, and I trust that I am exactly where I need to be. The days that voice is inaudible, I am close to becoming a statistic with a window of opportunity that is closing, the mother of one in a world of strollers and minivans bursting with young life. Thank you Julia, for helping people like me to cast light into those dark places we sometimes take ourselves: to peer into the darkness, rather than recoil from it, and ultimately not be afraid of it anymore.
Blessings, Marie
After 5 IVF attempts resulting in two miscarriages, your books and website have given me so much hope! I feel like I can finally take charge of my own health! I am a 33-year-old with a FSH of 10.37 and my fertility doctor has pretty much told me I won’t have another biological child. I have a 3 1/2 year-old daughter. Your books have helped me realize that I don’t have to accept his diagnosis! I feel so empowered. I am trying everything in your book and I truly believe that one day I will have another child. I am really enjoying my dream journal. In one particular dream that really stands out I was cleaning out the attic with an old childhood friend. She was begging me not to throw away a baby walker. I woke up in tears because I had been unkind to this friend as a child, but she was telling me it was OK. I could let go of this guilt I had for being unkind to her and she was encouraging me to be a mother again.
Your books and website have really helped me reflect.
Thanks again so much!
Congratulations on getting the blog up. That is a big accomplishment. I have been working on my own for years and months and have to launch either. The work that you are doing is great because it is not just about giving birth to babies, it’s all about giving birth to all of the things that are important to us. Thanks for sharing.
I try and do what I can to meet my baby halfway. I drive 90 minutes every other week (or so) to visit with my doctors, i drink teas that taste like mud water, i take fistfuls of supplements, i’ve injected myself with hormones that made me puffy but why can’t i eat properly (consistently) and not give up sugar? why is that the hardest thing for me to do when it should be the easiest? when it’s for me and the baby that i want? who is this orphan??
anyway…that is what’s coming up for me. thank you julia. keep them coming!
Julia,
Mazal Tov on your new blog!
I’m excited that the Fertile Heart Community will have additional access to the wisdom of your teachings and that we have another forum for communication.
It’s been 8 months since I attended your workshop and many changes have occured in my life. I left motivated and inspired to heal myself and my community. I have been strong in transforming my diet and taking my supplements which has made such a difference in my life- it has healed 10 years of digestive troubles and given a great boost to my energy levels. Moreover, I have started a support group for women in my community with whom I am sharing the gifts of Fertile Heart. I am also opening up my stubborn heart to new ways of becoming a mother and I will be returning to your workshop this December to reinforce all of the hope and strength that I received last time.
Thank you Julia! See you soon!
Miriam
Dear Julia,
Congrats on your blog! It’s very exciting to see you sharing experiences this way. Also, your blog inspires me to dive deeper in the work.
I love the idea of cultivating an Inner Authority and I see how it is one of the central themes in the Fertile Heart process. It is empowering. It is important to have a strong anchor in myself (ourselves), to have access to a trust-worthy adviser who knows what is the best next step.
I desire to keep strengthening this alliance between my Inner Advisor and me. I am continually amazed by the power of the Fertile Heart tools and how they have been designed to support the process of unfolding – of my OWN TRUTH!!!
Thank you, Julia! Brava!!!
Warmly,
Aida
Julia,
How exciting! It’s always great to read your wise words. With your help and the support from the Fertile Heart community, I feel like I’m finally listening to my “inner self”. It’s been difficult at times but so worth it. I feel like I’m weeding out all the unnecessary junk that I’ve been holding onto, and finally getting to my “truth”.
Can’t wait to read more from you!
Catherine
Hi Julia,
I am so excited about this blog! :-)
I’ve been thinking about your wisdom a lot lately as I have discovered I hold my breath frequently (e.g., when I am thinking about something, or reading, etc.). These past few days I’ve been hearing both your voice and my inner voice telling me to “breathe.”
This is just one of the positive changes I’ve been making lately. I’ll post more on your message boards when time permits!
Eva
Wonderful, Eva, keep making room for yourself…that’s what the breath does, creates more space.
Very insightful. I can hear those voices! Thank you for sharing Maggie’s story and it’s bigger meaning.