Your Fertile Heart – For the Wild Geese of Mary Oliver
by Julia Indichova
You do not have to be positive.
You do not have to massage
mountains of kale,
chanting mantras dispensed by monks in grey robes.
You only have to let the heart’s intelligence
call out directions.
Tell me about sorrow, yours, and I will speak of mine.
You do not have to memorize
the 99 attributes of top-tier saints,
hear psychics prophesize your rise after the fall.
You only have to let
a single squelched truth
roll to the fore,
untangle the yarn of yearning,
yield to the soul’s ascending appetite for astonishment.
You only have to trust
the purity and power of your one desire.
This poem was inspired by the iconic Wild Geese of Mary Oliver and by the many beautiful people I meet who tell me they want to be more “positive.”
Anything you’re guilt-tripping yourself about? Anything you think you should feel more “positive” about? Tell us, let’s get some healing going around here.
Sending you a giant hug!
Julia
Copyright © Julia Indichova 2019
I’ve been doing the Jailbreak imagery and it feels soothing. The jailer changes, sometimes it’s me, sometimes it’s orphans and doctors. I had a series of dreams last night that all had feelings of fear and that doom was behind the next corner. These are the orphans that worry, that are anxious, that are waiting for the other shoe to drop, that see things through a lens of fear. I thought that I had acknowledged these orphans and had faced them. They are still popping up, so I suppose there is more work to do. Or maybe these orphans will always be there, but I have to be aware of them and then turn my attention to the emerging visionary.
I have enjoyed reading this poem a few times over the past week, and get a little something different out of it every time. The a-ha moment I’ve had with the most recent reading was similar to that I had when we did the dream interpretation at our last session. I tend to live by lists and my goal is always to check off each item on my list – but not just that, I need to do them perfectly. What I’m learning, though, is that need for perfectionism is not coming from a visionary or ultimate standpoint, it’s coming from old orphans who need to perform and be positive to be seen and heard.
I have been working with All of You and All of Me Fertile Heart imagery. When we were connecting with the Ultimate Mom part of us on the call, I felt I was being asked to focus on the children. That makes sense because I have recently resumed teaching a children’s class for our Faith. I asked my husband to do an imagery with me and that was very sweet.
Blessings to everyone.
How lovely Robin that you get to work with children again.
For the second video, I chose “Food as an OVUM Tool – Loving the Body-Child.” I’ve been trying to find the “right” fertility diet and navigate the sometimes contradictory information that’s out there (Carbs are bad, but what about carbs from fiber in whole grains and fruit? It can be a lot to figure out!). The video reminded me to look within to understand how to best nourish my body.
I just finished my practice for this week, and I chose “Birthing the Mother, Birthing the Child.” I had never done this one before; it was beautiful. I could see myself vividly in those stages of my pregnancy, and there was a big smile on my face. I’m looking forward to seeing how this practice will evolve through my week.
Through my practice I am aware of the orphans that compare, that say “why can’t that be me?” I’m trying to face them, to take away their power. I also know now that I am so sure in my want, in my longing for my child. I’ve been doing the “Birthing the Mother Birthing the Child” imagery and find it very relaxing and joyful.
Hi all, I just finished my practice. The imagery “All of Me All of you” I enjoy imagining Angelo being a parent, and it is something that comes easily since we have nephews and friends who have kids, and he is excellent with them. I also enjoy seeing his orphans with compassion. I have had dreams, but they are gone as soon as I wake up, even though I remind myself to remember before falling asleep. Some orphans came up, the orphan who says: it happens to everyone and not to me, since I learned that one of my close friends is pregnant with her fourth child, as well as the person that colors my hair. We used to talk about her treatments all the time, and I used to tell her about the Fertile Heart; we had this to talk about every time I went and got my hair done, and now she is where we both were dreaming of being.
Sending love to your Orphans, R. I hear you. It’s not easy to witness other people’s pregnancies. Let’s do a little work on this in the circle on Tuesday.
I’ve been doing the Life Force connection imagery. I’ve managed to do it at least once a day and not the usual twice/day I’ve been committed to over the past few months. This is a tough one for me being adopted but I also think it’s helping to get me in touch with feelings I never allowed myself to have.
my dear JULIA! just writting here right after finishing the free webinar of ´fertile rage´. THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND THANK YOU. Each time I finish with your meetings I feel a huge sense of gratitude of meeting you, getting your amazing energy, your wisdom, your good will to help all the women through this life challenge of fertility difficulties. And you are offering us with this precious gift of OVUM birthing practice for which you put all your heart and soul into creating and gestating it. you are generously giving and sharing with us your ´third child´.
I will treat and use this OVUM practice with all the respect and love that it deserves, as I also strongly hope this practice could reach to as many women as it can through their healing journey.
LOVE,
LIN
I keep doing the “birthing the mother, birthing the child’ imagery and for the first time this week, i would see images of me pregnant that are not memories of my previous pregnancies. That was a nice surprise. I really enjoy doing this imagery now and i really project myself into this coming pregnancy. Sometimes i did it a few times a day even as it helps me feeling more grateful about how blessed i am with this IVF cycle. It helps me reach this mindset of confidence and surrender that i want to be in.
I watched the video segment on Thursday night, which nudged me to reflect once more on my eating habits. Since last year, I have done lot a research on food. I changed my diet last October and have sticked to it, which has been a very joyful process, especially in the beginning when I tried so many new recipes and tastes. My Fertile Heart practice has been my biggest motivator for my new choices,and from there I expanded into a new culinary universe.
I was never a big meat-eater, so a plant-based diet came quite natural to me, but I went from dairy-addict to (nearly) dairy free, I am baking my own gluten-free bread and have found bakeries that make it, and I try to skip as much as processed sugar as I can. I eat now a lot of things I never had given much attention to, such as nuts, chia, flex seed, sesame, all kinds of beans, etc. I also do intermittant fasting, so not to overload my body at all hours of the day. When I eat, I never ‘diet’, but enjoy all the flavours and eat until I am satisfied. When its not convenient to stick to my habits, such as a cake invitation at a friends’ place, I make exceptions to my routine and go with the flow. This whole process has improved my life quality and I guess also my husband’s life quality, who combines my kitchen with whatever he wants to add (mostly refined sugars, dairy and meat), but even if he eats what he wants, he has become more picky with the unhealthy foods which used to be his main choice before. Now he doesn’t enjoy them that much any more after all.
It really needed a visionary to be consistant with food, because my husband was not thrilled at all in the beginning of the process, felt intimitated by it, and even wanted me to change back to normal. We had many talks about this,and now it is not an issue any longer between us, and I feel that we have both grown.
I did recognize in the video segment, though, that the orphans still come through in eating,especially in what I felt as tougher times, such as hormone-stimulation and a failed cycle. I want to give birth to a visionary who eats slower, breaths more, gives thanks to food,and who is patient with the orphan who wants to eat more than she needs (even if this time, it’s no longer chocolate, but a nutritive fruit-nut-drink).
Bravo Romana! that sounds so idylic and its a such a great achievement.
Thank you for sharing your experience and OVUM practice. I enjoyed very much reading it. It inspired me!
Thank you so much, Lin. Reading and hearing you also inspires me a lot <3
Yesterday I was all orphan, so at night I did Land of Haves and Field of Creation, some of my favourites to check in with my partentless children. After a deep sleep I woke up with the sensation that there are some parts of me which are okay with having or not having a child, some parts I have loved and nurtured a lot in the past, but who I also forgot about lately a little bit. There is the part of me who roams freely, exploring streets and alleys and mountains and trails, who meets and laughs and moves and dances, and her every moment is full of joy. There is also the one who sits down to read and study and write and who gets absorbed in this marvelous adventure. I checked in with both: they are happy if a baby comes along with them. But there is also at least one part who suffers, who, after all those years, still feels it’s her duty to relive all the sorrow and pain she sees in her family history. And she, or they, aren’t ok with anything. Not with having and not with not having. This morning was impossible to do the imagery, such a busy workday, but I will end the day with one more round of caring for my orphans.
This helps me so much not to skip my practice, because I always realize that there are others out there who are also doing their imagery and I want immediately do it as well. I did the Land of Haves with the variation on what we discussed in the circle – how I wished my mom hugged me more, when I was little.
Der Fertile Mamas,
I am working with the new Visionary assignment which includes Soul on Fire body truth. I do have some orphans around this work. I have to go back for a call back on a medical appointment I had this week and am hoping at this next appointment all will go well and I can focus more on this new assignment.
Blessings to all.
Hi Julia and friends!
Beautiful poem, thank you.
I’ve been slowly sinking into rhythm as the summer ends. I admit, it’s not my favorite time of year, as I so love the sun, swimming in the ocean, wearing summer dresses, and eating juicy fruits and fresh vegetables. However, I welcome the opportunity to focus and attend to my practices, to re-dedicate myself to rituals that feed my soul, such as the Fertile Heart work. My daughter is now in first grade, and we moved to rural Maine for the year (or longer) so that she could attend school (a small school my mother started in 1980!)in person. I find myself eager to sink and expand into the space and time I have, now that she is away during the day.
One thing I am guilting myself with now (and has been ongoing) is that I am taking too long to make decisions or take action on my plan. I’ve had a couple of wonderful, cleansing, catapulting calls with Julia over the last few months, and most recently, I felt so inspired and full of purpose afterwards. Most of what I have been working with over the last 6 months (and longer) was about choosing an egg donor and all of the orphans coming up around my relationship and my ongoing search for the donor I fall in love with. I have made so much “progress” and although I wouldn’t describe my current feeling as stuck, there is a stuckness in my process, a slow, sort of fearful, still indecisive, fluttery quality. Granted, my summer involved a big move, packing etc, on top of all the current affairs, and my husband was super busy with work. So although we were ready to move ahead with our donor this summer, it simply was too much; (it involved travel to the west coast), and I will admit that I didn’t want to think about it for a few weeks.
I have come SOOOOOOOOOOO far!!!! I know I have…and the deep desire, the potential is there, pulsing with readiness. I am aware of myself coming close, touching it, carefully watching, curious, and then backing away, taking a breath (or 100), like a wave. An orphan says, why have you dragged this out? You could have been pregnant by now. But I do trust the rhythm of this dance, as it gave me my beautiful daughter. I am also aware of wanting to meet this orphan and help her to evolve and feel safe.
My goals for the next session is to share and nurture my ongoing orphans that have risen up especially as I get closer to this miraculous choice I am making. My visionary actions will include a lot of hiking in nature, quiet time with my journal, and making space to feel and listen to the pulse of my desires.
I notice one in particular who wants to apologize or explain my future pregnancy. I actually said to someone when they asked about a second child, “yes, but it’s not going to be biological” and immediately felt huge shame at having uttered those words! Thankfully, this process is transforming me and teaching me courage. The visionary calling to be born is one who owns her path, shares from a place of confidence and wisdom, and because of her honesty and ease, is a true guide and witness for others.
Thank you everyone, I am honored to be in this group. The vision is so special and so necessary. I look forward to diving in during the next few weeks.
Love!
Thank you for this openhearted sharing,H. This sure is a much needed Visionary calling to be born. “The visionary calling to be born is one who owns her path, shares from a place of confidence and wisdom, and because of her honesty and ease, is a true guide and witness for others.”
Hi
Thanks for the poem Julia it made me smile and remember how poetry used to help me express painful feelings throughout my teens and 20s.
I had a go this last week just wrote some words when I got my period as I felt very sad. Think lots of other sadness mixed in as my son and husband return to school this week. I’m sad not to be able to protect them. My protecting others orphan/visionary mix causes me problems when she realises she’s not powerful but I tried to give her a different experience in protests with XR this week in UK.
Here’s my quick sadness poem.
My skin is thin today
The orphans bloom through
Tearful, another month without a baby
Outside it rains as if it will never stop
and
then
My son’s hug
A rainbow
A flower reaching from a pavement crack
Gifts to treasure until my baby is ready to come home.
Hope everyone is well. Be nice to catch up on the calls in a few weeks.
So beautiful, your poem, C. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Wishing you many rainbows and “flowers reaching from pavement cracks.” I’m also looking forward to seeing everyone in a couple of weeks.
Thanks Julia
Yes keeping looking out for the beauty in the world to help calm me when so much is out of my control.
X
That’s beautiful, thanks for sharing Sashafierce.
Dear BeautifulSimplicity,
Wonderful job of Field of Creation – holding a space for your potential little one and using an opportunity to heal. I hope everything works out well.
I have been working with A New Beginning Imagery and Rock the Baby Fertile Heart Body Truth. I am birthing the visionary who can be compassionate towards my daughter’s challenges without being swept up into it if at all possible.
Blessings to all.
I think I am or I have been pregnant this week. My period is delayed and it’s always on time. I haven’t taken a pregnancy test but it feels similar to the way I felt the very first time I got pregnant naturally with my husband after 5 years. I also feel that this pregnancy is not to stay, I feel some symptoms of miscarriage… :( Today day I caught my mind telling me off for not being positive enough- if only I could do enough imagery and meditation to keep the embryo to stay… I noticed I was forcing myself to be positive but there was something off that I was tring to not feel. Then my visionary came to the rescue and whispered me ‘listen to that orphan’… I did the imagery ‘Field of creation’ and I saw an extremely sad child that has suffered a very big loss. I stayed with the orphan, let her express her sadness. I started to connect the dots of where this grieving came from, a grieving that goes back to my great grandmother, a grieving of a pregnant woman who has been abandoned by her partner. I let the orphan be cared by the Ultimate Mother and a beutiful woman helper came to cuddle her. Then I went to the other side of the field, I saw the visionary being counseled, sharing her grief with helpful others and recovering little by little. I felt the strength of my womb. I am able to hold a baby in it, I know it, but I feel this little embryos that my husband and I are conceiving come to heal something in my womb, maybe a very old wound that goes back to my ancestors. I am doing the imagery ‘Healthy Lining’ and used the sap of the tree to gently tend to my wounds. I feel I am giving myself the time needed for healing and I trust that it will come in its own time. Remaining positive is not turning our backs to the orphans but listening to them and find the inner strength to hold them compassionatelt and to know that anything that comes our way is a another opportunity to heal. Thanks for the poem, it’s beautiful, simple and full of compassion.
Hello dear BeautifulSimplicity, I’m breathing with you and I’m so moved by your tender sharing here. May this little healer-of-an- embryo receive all shehethey need to grow and flourish.
If I may, and of course ignore this if it’s not useful: perhaps you want to also check in with your homeopath. Many mainstream and holistic practitioners suggest progesterone supplementation prophylactically in the luteal phase if we feel we might be pregnant.
Thank you for your suggestion dear Julia. I will contact my homeopath and look into it.Love.
I hope your body keeps growing a beautiful baby xx
Wow…. thank God for Mary Oliver. this poem is beautiful and so fitting for me right now. I’ve been pushing myself and my husband to have another baby…. realizing How much my longing for another child has been intertwined with two traumas in my life. Recently I gave myself And my husband permission to not have a second child and it has felt like I stopped trying to push a giant boulder up a hill. I feel as though I have opened a line of communication with my body that has long been closed and my body has a LOT to say. My work is in discerning which body message are from my body’s ultimate mom, which are from my body’s visionary and which are from my body’s orphans. I feel really tired!!! I’m starting to question my choice to lessen the amount of nourishing foods in my diet and loading up of caffeine…. noticing my orphan rooted actions and wanting to give myself a reprieve
I also absolutely love this poem. BTW, Freedom, it’s Julia’s poem not Mary Oliver’s. I also love Wild Geese by Mary Oliver, but this one hits the spot in a different way.
It’s beautiful. I’ve looked a lot for prophesies of a rise from the fall, particularly in dreams. I realise now that it’s futile and I think I’m getting better at reading my dreams too. I think if anything I was trying to be negative, thinking I was being “realistic”, cancelling out my own optimism and positive energy with the voice of doom. Eventually I realised that on a recent call when we were reading someone else’s dream. I’ve let go of that now I think.
I’m working with Mirror of Truth for the second week.
Thank you Julia.
Dear Beautiful Mamas,
I am very familiar with guilt-tripping – right now related to my absence from work related to surgery.I am working with part of the Guided Meditation on the Fertile Heart Body Truth CD and Mirror of Truth Fertile Heart imagery. I’ve also been asking myself about the strongest orphan of the day, the visionary calling to be born from that orphan and one visionary rooted step.
Blessings to all and thank you, Julia, for your kind thoughts on the call!
Such a beautiful poem, I have enjoyed reading and re-reading it. It is gorgeous, thank you for sharing it and making it accessible for everyone. I also loved that you shared in your newsletter what your daughter said about it. Can’t explain it but it made it so real this part. Because knowing your work and knowing your daughter is grown up now made all of this seem even sweeter.