If you were to google the phrase “the universe got your back,” chances are you’d find it in innumerable blogs. It’s a reassuring oft repeated mantra, and it’s usually linked with a “secret” formula that will pretty much guarantee a particular outcome in this or that area of our lives.
And the word “universe” is usually a code word for “God” or some other outside force that looks out for us and as long as we learn how to control it, and offer this force a requisite number of meditations, we will get exactly what we have asked for.
Some people actually perceive the Fertile Heart OVUM work the same way: as a mechanical repetition of specific imaginal sequences that will deliver the baby which ten IVF’s failed to deliver.
But what if we were to turn it around?
How would our lives, our challenges be altered if we turned it around and asked, How can I have the Universe’s back?.
What if we both, I and this amorphous force, I call the Universe want the same thing? Someone to be on our side? To have our back. To listen to our needs.
What if in fact a meaningful life was all about looking out how the Universe or in the language of Fertile Heart, the Ultimate Mom is perpetually asking:
Where do you stand on this? Which side are you on? Will you have my back?
What if those of us longing to bring the first, second, or next child into our family, intermittently paused and heard the Universe utter that question:
Hey, dear partner in creation, In this mind-boggling, mysterious, tough and full of wonder enterprise called human procreation, will you have my back?
Will you speak up about what you have witnessed?
Will you do the hard work of attempting to hear me?
Are we partners?
As broken as we may feel when faced with a fertility challenge, could this possibly shift our perception from brokenness to a sense of our own power; of being entrusted to contribute to one of humanity’s most essential conversations? A conversation about how our approach to life affects how we bring children into the world and the colossal consequences of our choices?
And as far as the magic of the Fertile Heart OVUM practice? It allows us to cultivate an inner strength so that we can first of all, be there for ourselves. Be there for the straggler, the troubled, the confused Orphans in us.
Once we can begin to be there for them, perhaps it will be easier for us to recognize the people we can count on. People who’d catch us if were were to start falling backward.
Who knows? Maybe then the Universe/Ulitimate Mom, that force that refuses to be controlled or explained or manipulated will indeed send reliable supporters our way.
Or perhaps such trusted supporters have been there all along. Maybe we just couldn’t recognize them looking out at the world through the lens of our defeated selves.
This is something I have to keep reminding myself. It always works both ways. Chances are the person/power I look to for support has been looking for the same thing from me.
Have I been able to hear them in a way I wish to be heard?
Thank you Julia for writing this post. I have been doing imagery every day and I thought I was looking after myself because I am on the top with my diet and nutrition and supplements. Suddenly I had 3 days of very high fever where I couldn’t eat. It has passed now but has left me quite weak and has made ask myself where God/Ultimate Mum is. And how I need to take care of my orphans before I can fully embrace God’s help and guidance.
I did my imagery, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and today (Sunday). I haven’t done my body truth yet. I’m going to try to do it tomorrow evening. =)
Look forward to hearing on the call what’s coming up for you, now that you’re doing it.
Thanks Julia. I’ve been doing my imagery everyday consistently since our last visionary call. I did my bodywork twice last week, but haven’t done it yet this week. I feel different. I feel more open and fertile. I think this has had more of an affect on me than years of treatments trying to get my body to conceive and carry to term. This work is A-MAZ-ING! I’m looking forward to the next visionary series.
Awesome!!
Dear Julia, dear all,
I much appreciate what you (all) wrote. I know that I have been “struggling” with this topic for quite a while. To be honest, years ago, I thought that I will/can give much more to the world once I have a child (or any other thing I really want) because only “that” will ultimately made me happy. Therefore, until I receive “it” (whatever the desire), I don’t have to (DON’T HAVE POWER TO) do/give more. Why? Because I am sad not to have my child so no one can ask/want me to be fully engaged with the outer world. I know this is selfish, Orphan based-approach, but it is important for me to name it, to label it and say it (write it) loud, so that I can be aware of it. I realised (at some point) that this approach is obviously not a way to go, but I need to keep reminding myself, because that Orphan in me often says: once you have “it”, you will be full of life and energy and joy and then you can do much more for everyone else, but that practically stops me to engage and give right NOW. Few years ago I started (in addition to OVUM practice which was enormously helpful in this respect and continues to be!!) to practice also buddhism which made me to connect, realise and shift many things too. I do not wish to write about that here, as I know this is not the place. But the sole reason I mentioning it is that whether we call it Universe, God, or else, we all have that potential inside. If only we activate it/connect with it. So it really resonates with me when one of the mamas wrote at this blog that “each of us have the potential to give back”. And to me, what else is the motherhood about: to give back (to our child). So this blog (thanks Julia!) and my overall journey is actually a great preparation and if I do not start giving back to to the world now, how can I learn “to give back” to my child later on (unconditionally, i.e. without waiting for “the world” or “the child” to give back to me….something, everything). Thank you Julia, for continuously “giving us”, guiding, inspiring and challenging us to take a broader picture, as it is this world we will bring our children in, so we (I:-) should not treat “the world” and “my child” as being separate from each other. My best wishes to us all, Fertile Mamas!
Dear Fertile Mamas,
Thank you so much for being here.
Wonderful images, Sacred Sojourn!
I have been working with Rock the Baby Fertile Heart body truth and 9 Hearts Fertile Heart imagery. My husband has been sweet enough to start telling me how much he appreciates me coming home. That has been lovely. The other night we were doing a little ballroom dancing (beginner style) in the living room. One of the songs he picked out was If you Ask me To sung by Patti LaBelle. It was very lovely.
Blessings to all!
Hello lovely dreamers and fellow circle seekers. I love what Julia has to say about the partnership and co-creative relationship between us and the Universe. I believe it is indeed a circular relationship of giving and receiving. As in any relationship, we have the opportunity to both nurture and be nurtured. It is in this sacred space in the center of the circle that problem and solution, question and answer, and desire and actualization finally meet to form something greater. In this space new understandings that lead to new desires, along with new perspectives on old desires, are “conceived”, as Julia so beautifully puts it.
During a visual imagery exercise on today’s Visionary call, we were invited to imagine a circle of Ultimate Moms and other wise supporters surrounding us and ask them for any message or other help we might need. An image came to mind of standing in the middle of the circle holding a dandelion in my hand. The dandelion represented a wish, specifically my desire to have a child. But more than that, it represented a desire for a deeper connection with life itself. I got the feeling that although I grasped the wish firmly in my hands, it was destined for something greater. I needed to allow my breath and the “breath of life” to move through it in order to help its seeds release into the air where they could disperse and expand, and eventually land on fertile terrain. In this way, different aspects of my original desire could grow into more wishes and opportunities, with some nurturing guidance from the Universe. I was thankful for that image because it gave me a new perspective on the fact that I may start with a specific dream and an expectation that it will unfold in a certain way. But the beauty is in the expansion and transformation of the dream, during which both the dream and dreamer are co-creatively changed into something more inclusive. That’s the mysterious and exciting part of life, the exchange and interplay between you and the Universe. I’m beginning to see that this sacred endeavor to bring forth new life is bigger than our understanding, as familiar as our own breath, and as limitless as the wind.
Julia has me thinking big picture now! : ) Thank you Julia!
I’m looking forward to sharing this journey with all of you. I am so inspired by your stories, openness, courage, and creativity!
Dear Fertile Mamas,
Thank you so much for being here!
Our daughter moved out again, perhaps not to wonderful circumstances, but that was her decision.
I had a dream last night where people at my job were telling me I wasn’t doing an adequate job. It’s very frustrating to me to think even in my dream that my mind is dwelling on this. The orphan I have named is the one who says You’re not good enough. I’m working with her to help her realize that there may be skills I need to improve there or it would be good if I could improve these skills, but to realize who the judge is and realize no other person is qualified to tell me whether I am good enough because we are all human and do not have the perspective that would qualify us to make that judgement. So I’m trying to separate out the job verses me as a person. I’m grateful for the dream though because there is still work to be done around this issue or it wouldn’t be appearing in my dream.
I have been doing Welcome Home Fertile Heart body truth and Issues in Your Tissues Fertile Heart Imagery.
Blessings to all!
Thank you for this inspiring piece and to all the beautiful ladies who shared their experiences on the February 19th Fertility Teleconference Support conference all. I found the stories uplifting and helped nudge me into a more committed practice of the Fertile Heart methods.
After multiple failed IVF attempts for my second child, I am ready to fully engage in the Fertile Heart. While I have responded well to the medications and have good levels of AMH and FSH, the embryos produced are not of good quality to allow for a transfer. I am working on the House of Fear and Issues in My Tissues Imageries. I have multiple orphans, but the strongest one has been the orphan who says IVF is the only way. I am hearing her out and showing compassion, but I hope she can see a different possibility. I’m also working through several Body Truth exercises such as Out of the Trap, Woman, and the Orphans. I would welcome suggestions for other Imageries or Body Truth exercises that might be helpful.
A few nights ago I had a dream that I was driving a dilapidated car with a passenger that had to get to the hospital quickly. I didn’t know how to drive it and ultimately ended up swimming in the Hudson River. While I was swimming, I met 4 college students who took me to their dorm and gave me a towel and helped point me in the right direction to the hospital. The strongest emotion in the dream was feeling the warmth of the water and enjoying swimming with these young men and women. I felt as young and enlivened as them.
Thank you Julia for your amazing and inspirational work and all the women who share their stories.
Xoxo,
Dear Fertile Mamas and Papas,
Julia brigs us to one of the deepest question of the existing. Because the Universe is in every one of us and we are all small pieces from the Universe in a human form. But along with all other pieces that are coming in many different forms and shapes, our energy comes together and creates and empowers the University itself.
Universe/ UM/ God/ The Ultimate Wisdom/ etc what ever we chose to call it, it is a magic combination of everyone and everything entangled to each other. We are all connected with each other, with all Nature pieces and with the entire cosmos. We all, depend on each other and the threads of our lives and the existence of everything else are so well integrated almost as a beautiful woven patterns.
So yes, “we both, I and the Universe want the same thing -someone to be on our side and to have our back. To listen to our needs” And all of us not only can, but we really should have “the University back”. We should all do the hard work” of hearing the Universe and caring for all other known and unknown pieces in it’s beautiful woven pattern on the way we care for our selves and for our children. We all can share our kindness, love, compassion and gratitude with other people, with the Nature and with all living creatures. We all can care for the Universe on the way UM does for us and on the way we wish our children to be taken care of. If we don’t have the University back, why are we longing for children and call them to meat us. We have to invite them in a place where they will be able to discover how beautiful is to be part of the colorful patterns of the Universe.
Thank you Julia for starting this deep conversation and for bringing our minds to this important people-minds-Universe connection.
With love to all my fellow travelers in our journey to a better version of ourselves and to a better world. Let all of us be supporters to each other on our way,
Thanks for this inspired. I am in similar circumstances with trying for a second with 3 failed ivf cycles and multiple failed IUI. I discovered Julia in December and already feel such a difference since I began the imagery practice. Just wanted to let you know I’m in it with you.
Xoxo
Dear Fertile Mamas,
I so appreciate all of you on this journey.
My husband and I are working to fold our daughter who has emotional challenges back into our lives and into our home in a way that is healing to her. We are also working to maintain a space for us to be. Because of challenges my daughter has, my husband and I have often been perceived by her as being the worst people on the planet. So we move forward with cautious steps.
I so much appreciated on the call identifying the voice of the orphan when it comes to fear. I often find myself engaging with the fear orphan in a very non-productive way. The idea of asking what is this orphan saying is something I have been exploring since the call and it seems promising. I have been working with Welcome Home Fertile Heart body truth and Issues in your Tissues Fertile Heart Imagery.
Blessings to all.
There is so much juice in this post, and I love reading everyone’s comments, so thank you all.
I’m trying to take this all in without being too hard on myself. I can say that I haven’t had a feeling of clarity, of deep listening to/with the universe, in some time. It’s not for lack of trying, but sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for some huge revelation, or waiting for all the noise in my head to go away.
I know that something that’s “UP” for me is I really need to sit in SILENCE more deliberately. I do feel that I’m expecting something (answers, help, guidance), and I’m not really putting in the effort….at least not the way that I want to. I desire to sit in silence and simply BE, commune, maybe listen, but mostly just connect…with the core of my being, with the universe, with spirit, and also to simply respect the natural intelligence that is present.
This is my first step toward ‘having the universe’s back’. I’m sure that more will blossom from this comittment…
xx
Few days ago the thought came to me, I seemed that I was constantly wanting to keep reading or listening to something motivational/spiritual. All that information overload at all times was not allowing me time and space to listen to what’s coming up from within me. Since the past 4-5 years I have been reading up a lot of spiritual books and many teachers. Now I felt it is time to pause and take a break.
So I decided to not read anymore self-help/spirituality book for a long time now. I do my imagery and body talk every day and yoga too. But I think what was really coming up for me is that I need to remind my body of something it may have forgotten temporarily how to do. For that, I need to spend alone time with myself, listening and talking to my body.
Dear Julia and FH Mamas and Dads.
I have been planning to add a comment to this blog for some time. Life is full of ups and downs (more downs, chips in my orphan).
It is often hard to look at this journey as a blessing – but that is one of the gifts that FH practice, FH community and Julia, you have given me.
You always ask hard questions. “Do I have the Universe’s back?” Why can’t someone else look into it, while I continue to simply receive from the Universe? It is hard to look at how lucky one is, how far we have come, and to realize that each of us have the potential to give back.
What I love about this blog and in this practice, a phrase that I have heard Julia use over and over, and that is “Turn it around”. It is so powerful. On one of our Visionary calls, when we were doing an imagery sequence, I found myself in a corner, while we were working on the theme of being stuck. And a voice told me to “turn around”. It was revealing. There is an orphan I recognize, who is perhaps comfortable to be stuck, and wallow in her misery. But I want to gently help her turn around and look around. Here again I am talking about helping myself. But I am also learning that, when I am taking care of myself, then I am better equipped to take care of others around me, including the universe. It is time I take care of myself.
What this blog is teaching me is, how we lead our lives, pretty much every aspect of it, affects the universe around me. We are all connected, although we may not know it, or realize it.
Around the time the blog was posted, I heard a similar message through my traditional learning channel. “Your relationship with God (higher power) is the one that matters the most”. While I found it very hard to digesat it at the time, it does make sense to a part of me, one who is hungry for something beyond the tangible. Right now – I will tackle what I can handle, bite what I can chew.
UM asks “Will you speak up?” Yes. I may speak to only a few at first. But I am doing it, slowly but steadily, knowing every word, action and choice can make a difference, not just to my holy human loaf, but to the environment around me. Thank you Julia for that. Also thank you for helping the community help each other through the conference series and workshops. It is so amazing that so many of us struggle with the same orphans/emotions/feelings/choices on almost a daily basis. There is so much healing needed for each of us.
Reading this blog for the first time this morning and how fitting. I woke up thinking about my fertility journey, much like I have almost every morning for about the last five years. It’s been all consuming and just this morning as I cried getting my morning started I thought to myself, I am so consumed by this, by the hormone tests, the hopeful waiting for consistent periods again, the agitation I feel from every hot flash, that seems to be another reminder that things are not going in the right direction for me concerning baby making…and in this all consuming thought process, I paused and asked what else is life about for me? All though this is one of the most important things for me, is there nothing else? The last few days for some reason have been especially hard and I have prayed, and meditated and asked “the universe” is anyone listening, who is looking out for me? To be honest I feel pretty alone. I want to feel connected to the UM, I want to feel like I’m giving back to life, to all that is, in a way that best serves not only me but all. I desire to be a willing participant. Look forward to being part of the upcoming series of call, as I certainly am feeling stuck. Much love to all my sisters who are on the journey too…
Thank you for the article. Sometimes being on this journey is so exhausting that it’s really hard to listen to the Universe/UM’s voice– isn’t it supposed to be all amount me, me, me!! (kidding here) . I sort of interpreted this as being the best version of yourself, as opposed to just moaping around and wishing to have a baby and being completely depressed when it doesn’t happen as opposed to appreciating what you do in fact have in your life already. It’s a real struggle sometimes but I feel like I have to find something more meaningful to do while I’m waiting for my baby. Thank you for the article and for your insights.
Dear all,
this blog struck a chord with me. Thank you Julia, for writing about this human need to look elsewhere for divine wisdom, and underestimate our own connection to this wisdom that’s already available to us. Available without searching for it. I tend to be deaf whenever things don’t go the way I wish, and short-sighted in my rage at the universe. It always surprises me how readily I blur my vision and hearing with rage. I have been wondering how is this possible, that I freak out each time I sense what power I might have to create, anything, a change in my life, calling my mom although she will mistreat me, saying what I think despite the reaction of my surrounding. Being afraid of being judged as the bad girl, the ‘girl who divides family’ when I see relatives that my family is not seeing. My grand aunt for example. I saw her this past week, she is the younger sister of my deceased grandmother – she looks like her, sounds like her, and I get a lot of love from her. I realized I must remind her of her sister too. Whenever we are together, my babicka comes to life. She showed me many old photographs from the past that I had never seen before. It was magical. I was so happy, she never wanted to look at them, as she says ‘all the people in them except me are dead, I miss them, and it’s too sad to look at them’ I realized something must have shifted in her after my visits, since she offered to look at them, and she couldn’t stop looking at the photographs, somehow I made it possible for her. What was most satisfying, is that she said, Magda (my mom) was here last weekend…I was so happy, because my mom doesn’t visit her and since then my mom and I talked about our visits there, I shared the photographs and it seemed that my grand aunt was the missing link for me and my mom to connect. After my mom’s visit with me, she actually asked about us having a baby, and about my immunity, and I said maybe it’s been a long time since my last imunity checkup so maybe my numbers have gone down. Maybe?!
A deep and thought-provoking blog – Thank you Julia! Asking the universe for what we want and expecting it to appear seems to be all around us, and most people I know use this technique – a lot! One of my friends is constantly disappointed with her life because her wishes don’t seem to be answered… before long you can be wishing your life away. This is important for me and a wake up call. Since practising OVUM I have become more receptive to listening to the UM and surrendering to her, bowing to what is and knowing that everything is just as it should be. Like Bel, I also love the Hasidic legend in the fertile female, the divine wisdom is inside each and everyone of us, connecting with it and listening is the key but as you say this is the hard work and something I sometimes struggle with in my hectic everyday life. I have to make time, sit down, be quiet and connect in a divine moment in order to listen, particularly when I am at one with nature, just like Withgratiude says. I need to work on this aspect and calm my life down so I don’t need to make this special quiet time (which doesn’t always happen). In order to be a devoted partner in creation, I need to be there for the universe, available to listen all of the time, ready to drop into the heart naturally throughout my day not just when I allow myself some quiet time to do so. It’s not a one sided relationship/partnership. Through my work with children and my relationships with others I will listen to the universe and try to do my best to have its back. Thank you, this blog has inspired me greatly!!!
I agree that all this is very thought-provoking. Starting the OVUM practice has brought me face-to-face with my auto-sabotaging self, Orphans guiding my choices, dictating the rules and…telling me that maybe there is no one ready to offer its back. Slowly the UM has started to emerge form her hiding, letting me know that She is there for me and for my Orphans. So now they can start to relax, let Her take charge. And when the Orphan shouts that there is no one to offer its back in this journey, well, I call the UM to take care of the orphan, and the path becomes clearer each time.
Exactly LauraL, beautiful description. Truly.
I had an amazing breakthrough last night with this. I opened the door for the orphan who couldn’t herself. I had to open the door. I had to be the one to gently lead her out. Or perhaps I was working in harmony with the UM (Universe) and UM helped me finally realize that that orphan couldn’t be emancipated without my help, a locked door that didn’t need a key because I was the key, if that makes sense. Even so, my Orphan was/is so relieved and overwhelmed by the compassion, gentility, and comfort given to her by myself, UM, and by future babies, to include my future stepdaughter.
I agree that the relationship with Universe (UM or God, etc) is a shared, mutual, caregiving. I think I shut her out before…but when I finally said “OK, enough. I’m ready” that is when she came to the rescue without skipping a beat.
Wow this one is really thought provoking. It is a challenge to think about whether I do now, or how I can in the future, have the Universe’s back. I identify a lot with the feeling of surrender as Bel commented, or as Julia puts it “bowing to what is.” I just came back from a very long walk and stopped at my favorite place along the East River to take a few more peaceful moments for myself. I was high on an overpass, looking out over the river, with the breeze blowing on/almost through me, and in this moment it was very easy to surrender, to give it up to the Universe, to bow to what is. I am also learning parts of this from a new yoga practice. I have to remember to channel this feeling as I move through my day to day – not just in the divine moments on the river with the breeze blowing in a way that feels almost magical, or from an inspiring yoga class. I also think having the Universe’s back means to nurture it and treat it with loving kindness, in the way the UM does for us. Being appreciative of the environment and what it provides, and finding ways of taking care of it in return. Julia, you have invited us to think about the reciprocal nature of our relationship with the Universe and I appreciate the invitation to think about it in this way. I am very moved that in conjunction with following the Fertile Heart OVUM practice to reach our goals of having a baby, we are becoming more enlightened human beings.
This is a very thought-provoking post. Julia, I love how you delve into the places most people don’t dare to.
There is a demanding part of me that wants to be able to put out my requests to the universe/UM/God, whatever word we choose to use here, and get them answered. That part comes easily….The part of me I am really trying to connect with, though, is the one who listens, who is in dialogue with the universe, and who remembers it’s not all about me. I love the Hasidic legend in The Fertile Female, of the angels hiding divine wisdom deep inside each of us, and the idea that the divine actually lives within us rather than being some nebulous outer force, and therefore the art of deep listening brings us access to, and into dialogue with, that wisdom. I like to think that that wisdom wants the highest not just for us but also for the world, and am trying to work more with the notion of surrender – putting my wishes out there, yes, but surrendering them to the UM/God. I find imagery like The Tree of Faith and Surrender and Field of Surrender helpful. I’ve also learnt through life experience that sometimes when we don’t get what we want, or rather get what we don’t want – I am thinking here of my experience of having had breast cancer aged only 31 – it can ultimately take us on a journey and open all sorts of potent new doorways that we probably wouldn’t have opened otherwise. This requires, of course, great trust in life, which can be hard when you find yourself railing against what you haven’t got or what you have got and don’t want.
I also agree with AnchorMama – that sometimes it can be hard to know which voice we are hearing: UM, V or O?? I have found, though, that asking questions after sitting quietly for a while is what brings me more into contact with the UM, and often I’ll get a strong ‘yes’ or ‘no’ feeling in my body when I ask questions from this place.
Caring for myself has become such an important lesson I have learned in this journey. I believe I need to be able to do this for myself before I can help others. Not from a point of selflessness but out of caring. One of the biggest things I have learned and continue to learn is how I am unique (we all are) and I will not fit into a – one size fits all prescription for becoming a mom. This IVF protocol or this way of eating or this way of using Acupuncture or Ayurveda or whatever practice is out there. Not that these are bad but getting to know what actually works for me. For example – I do not like raw kale. Cant stand it. I have tried it a lot, tried it in juices etc but no. However I have come to learn I really like it cooked with a little olive oil and onion! I enjoy it like that! I guess my point is listening is the key for me. Listening to myself: my orphans my visionary and listening to what the ultimate mom has for me. It has opened me up to be a better listener to others as well for all of their layers and emotions that make us who we are. One way I know to care for others is to listen.
Dearest Julia,
Thank you for yet another thought provoking post and for always asking the hard questions. I do believe there are so many ways to lean into these words, to make sure I have “the Universe’s back.” Yet the triggering question for me in this post was the question, “Will you do the hard work of attempting to hear me?” This, this is really the hardest work. Whose voice am I hearing? The orphan or my visionary or my ultimate mom? And what is it asking for? I do believe that true strength comes out of the biggest challenges and I’ve personally heard/seen my voice become louder and more confident over the years I’ve been a part of the fertile practice. The waters may not be clearer, but taking one step at a time and taking the time to stop, look and listen is the best thing I can do.
Dear Fertile Mamas,
There are certainly many ways to care for the Universe, including caring for ourselves. I am delighted that with my new job I am able to more confidently commit to teaching the children’s class that I have been teaching for years. The class focuses on caring for one another including doing service. I am grateful for this opportunity.
I have been working with Welcome Home Fertile Heart body truth and The Land of Haves Fertile Heart imagery (Imagery II). In the Land of Haves I have been listening to what I am looking for . One of the things is feeling loved and cared for . I’m still getting used to my work and time schedule. I’m trying to focus on how to care for myself withing that framework.
Blessings to all.
Wow, thanks Julia for this thought-provoking post, and thanks Lunden for your honest and enlightening reply (these are difficult questions, but as you say, asking the questions is just as important as finding the answers that work for us). I had difficulty ‘finding my way into’ this post, and understanding how I could integrate it into my life, until I started thinking about ‘the universe’ as God – I don’t think it’s the religious aspect of this that’s important, but that it helped me to kind of ‘personalise’ this universe and what it might be asking of me. So the idea of ‘having the universe’s back’ becomes an aspect of faith and living the life we are supposed to in a much broader sense: not just focusing on infertility and wanting a baby, but constantly opening ourselves to others and making our world a better place on all levels. Like Lunden, for me this means thinking about the environment, and also, as Julia has asked us to, reaching out to others about her work and alternatives to high tech treatments (which doesn’t mean turning our back on these if they are helpful – I write this while doing an IVF cycle, which interestingly has opened up new opportunities to reach people who may benefit from Julia’s work). For me, this also means working harder to be patient and kind with my living children, and creating a better world for them. All of which does, slowly and not on all days, but nonetheless, shift my perception from one of brokenness to a sense of our own power (to use Julia’s words).
Yes! Thank you! My husband and I have been in the fertility journey for almost five years now. We are environmental activities (among other things -but that is actually his paid job) and as a result my thoughts about fertility and parenting are affected by these values. At times I have wrestled with questions and observations that sometimes feel in contradiction or contrast to one another while on this journey. Sometimes feeling like I ‘deserve’ to have everything I ask for, sometimes settling in to the reality that people don’t ‘deserve’ anything and they certainly don’t get everything they want. I go from feeling myself aching with every fiber of myself wanting to carry and birth a biological child and then I hear myself weighing the reality of over population and the stress this causes on the earth and universe. I think about resource (abundant, scarce, poorly used): money, plastic ovulation kits, pregnancy tests and medical equipment and it makes me wonder if it is all ok or if I am just justificing my actions. I try to be smart – re homing estrogen patches from a failed IVF before it expires to trans women in my community, bringing unused needles to the needle exchange, properly disposing of unused and expired meds, trying to make smarter choices about what and how I use resource (everything from OPKs, to money and time). Time – phew that is a big one. I have both waisted time and effectively used time on this journey. I have a lay persons doctorate in fertility (diagnosis, testing, alternative and western treatments) as well as in adoption. To be clear these questions and concerns are not spoken from my orphans. My questions aren’t coming from a place inside me where I feel victimized and undeserving. The questions come from an ultimate mom aspect of myself who is trying to figure out how I have my back, the earth and universes back as well as the back of my future child. I don’t have this all figured out yet and that is ok. The questions themselves are important. Thank you for reading. I am visioning the big picture with a big heart trying to hold space for how it all fits together.
I too have been in that place sometimes, and so has my husband. When we see the craziness in the world, we silently think, is this a place we want to bring a baby to? Sometimes we have even shared those thoughts with each other. But I think the longing for a child is much stronger than these thoughts. We are doing our bit about issues that we feel concerned about like the environment for eg. And we’re hoping that we will be a positive example to our child/children :)