I would shut my eyes and reach for the nearest hand when Pooh and Christopher Robin were chased by the Bees, so thrillers of any kind are ordinarily not on my reading list. But the subject and the characters of Daniela Petrova’s Her Daughter’s Mother, were impossible to resist.
Anyone who has ever stepped across the threshold of a fertility clinic will recognize Lana Stone, the 38-year-old art-curator protagonist. Within the first few pages we learn that after eight failed in-vitro cycles and three miscarriages, Lana is prepping for her last-ditch donor-egg-embryo transfer.
No spoilers, but in this deftly crafted tale we get to follow the unfolding story through the voices of Lana, her estranged husband Tyler, and Katya the young woman egg donor.
Tyler’s burnout with the baby-chase carries echoes of many male voices. Although Katya might have a more weighty past to contend with than most women who enter into an egg-donation contract, Petrova offers us a glimpse of the psychological turmoil that could rise up for any woman under similar circumstances.
I see in Her Daughter’s Mother a perfect mirror of the contentious underworld of third party reproduction. A perfect mirror and a warning about the suffering we endure when we’re sucked into a black hole of repeated cycles and move through that world blinded by a reductive, charts n’ graphs’s view of our challenges.
I have a one-track mind. Like most of us, I read every story through the lens of my own experience. In the case of this eminently engaging narrative, through the lens of the work we’ve been doing in our awesome Fertile Heart community in the last two decades. I imagine Lana and Tyler sitting in our studio in Woodstock, maybe after that very first failed IVF. and wonder how our connection might have changed the trajectory of their lives.
If you’re at crossroads, Her Daughter’s Mother could help clarify the pro’s and con’s of the choices you face.
For me, Her Daughter’s Mother is a huge validation of the courage it takes to seize the opportunity for healing that comes from walking the scenic road to motherhood with wide open eyes. No matter what path to parenthood we choose .
-Julia Indichova
Hello I’m preparing for the n.american call tomorrow. I’ve been using the 3 frames imagery and from this am feeling more confident that I am on the right path for me.
I got some blood tests back from gp recently which I need to go in to discuss. I’ve asked my sister for help with this so I can prepare before. I’m not sure if I should ask for thyroid medication or not. I wouldn’t normally ask my sister for help so it’s a step towards asking for what I need.
Meanwhile I’m celebrating time with my family and also got my paints out for the first time since my son who is 5 was born. Very rusty but it felt good to spend time painting!
Thanks and speak to some of you tomorrow hopefully x
Dear Julia and Fertile Mamas,
What an amazing opportunity for healing this scenic road to motherhood has provided me. Not only have I been healing my body but my big realization is how this work is helping me to heal my relationship with myself and, in turn, my husband. Wow. We are also discussing egg donation after many dreams of my ultimate mom guiding me in this direction. It seems the more I lean into the work the more I am surrounded with miracles… mostly with an opening and feeling of my connection with my husband. Thank you, Julia and Fertile mamas! I am so grateful to be a part of this community!
I got it at B & N after reading your blog, Julia, I’m in the middle of the book. I’m also eastern European like you and like the author so in addition to the story I’m enjoying the references that have to do with my country. Like you said, it’s also a story that’s a warning for me. I really don’t want to end up with 8 failed IVF’s. 3 is more than enough.
This is perfect timing as usual with Julia’s blogs. I’m considering egg donation and I just finished listening to the incredible stories on the egg donation CD. I think this book is my next step in “meeting my child halfway” as I’m learning to say now that I’m an official fertile heart mama. -:)
Thanks Julia I may have a read! I have been on the recent north American call and thinking about the questions you asked at the end of the call. I think my answer has come to me just now, watching cartoons with my son…I don’t prioritise my needs and this practice is about doing that I think.
My despair is a message to take care of myself I think. I have one child and if I can’t take care of me consistently with one two would be hard to even remember I exist if I don’t change up! That would not be good for me or my children.
So, as my period starts to signal its arrival I don’t know if despair will come along in the next few days but if it does I will see if I can take a day off work to sit reading a book, drinking warm tea and eating something comforting. At least for an hour!
I am remembering the woman who has recently got pregnant on the call and her strength of conviction that she is on the right path. I need to grow that conviction in my own choices and the only way to do that is to work out what I need. Right now that’s a bowl of cereal….thank you for helping me to learn this life lesson and thank you to her too as she has taught me a lot. X