What Makes You a Mom?
Whether your children have already materialized in physical form or they’re still cruising in the over-world, the umbilical cord of longing is already attached to your heart and that qualifies you for the Mommy Clan.
Learning how to mother ourselves and each other is also what qualifies us for the Mommy Clan.
Learning not to turn your back on Sadness or Envy or Fear, but also know how not to allow those emotions take over and derail us from loving ourselves fully, is also what makes us card carrying members of the Mommy Clan.
Mother’s Day, Birthday, Every Day
As for tips, Mother’s Day. or a birthday is a great day to practice being a Mommy. How would you take care of your adored daughter if she was wrestling with a difficult challenge?
I bet the Ultimate Mama in your very own fertile heart knows just what to give you to sweeten the day!
And of course you have a toolbox full of Fertile Heart OVUM tools to reach for if you get stuck. Not to mention your loyal Visionary Mama companions you get to connect with on our next call.
Here is a lovely remedy to open the heart and access the tenderness of the Ultimate Mom. I adapted it from page 175 of The Fertile Female.
Happy Day, Mama!
Intention: To separate the essential from the illusory.
Close your eyes, observe your breath for a few seconds, then breathe out three times with a long, slow exhalation.
Invite an image of yourself as a Mom of a nine year old on Mother’s Day.
Breathe out once.
As you go to brush your teeth, there, pasted to the mirror is a picture of your child and a note: “Happy Mother’s Day Mommy, I love you!”
Let the breath move through you.
With the next inhalation, breathe in the image of your child and the note and the sweetness of being a mom.
Breathe out once.
Know, sense, and feel that you absolutely, without the slightest doubt, have all the provisions for the journey that can bring this image into your waking reality. Know, sense, and feel that what you long for comes through your deepening relationship with yourself, your loved ones, the world around you and the relationship with the child.
The relationship that has begun when you first realized that you wished to be a Mom.
Breathe out and open your eyes.
Would love to hear about some of the supremely self-indulgent, unreasonably extravagant gifts you’re giving yourself on Mother’s Day or any day!
Copyright @ 2016 Julia Indichova & Fertile Heart Imagery adapted from the Fertile Heart Conceptions chapter of The Fertile Female
Beautiful fertlehearted Mamas, what do you think makes you a Mother?
And what is one delicious way you could mother yourself on Sunday or any other day?
Dear Julia and other mamas of the circle,
thank you for giving me such wonderful homework last week. I was scared and excited to express affection with my husband, but I did it. I kissed him in public, hugged him and generally tried to not worry about how it looks to other people. It was liberating. I gave him a gift, a book of photographs by a lithuanian photographer Antonas Sutkus, whose exhibit we walked into by chance. Nick has jewish lithuanian roots, and this fall we went to see Lithuania for the first time. This weekend I heard about the death of a friends father and called my mom to tell her I loved her very much, it was the first time I ever expressed my love for her in words. She replied Darling we adore you, which she never said before. It wasnt in her vocabulary. Thank you, Julia. I look forward to the next call and the circle,
Eva
I have decided that the umbilical cord of longing is truly a gift, not a burden and I am embracing that. You can’t just pretend like you don’t want something and hope that eventually it will just go away or you’ll forget about it. That’s the tricky thing about longing. It’s an unrequited love. Haven’t countless songs been written about this? So, I am embracing this longing and not pretending to do anything else.
Lately in my imagery I have seen my baby, a daughter. She has a cute smile and dark black hair and is looking inquisitively into my eyes. I look forward to seeing her in my imagery over and over again. I’ve also been journaling and writing to her. This is helping me to hold up my end of the bargain in the meeting halfway.
I have also been working through my jealousy orphan. Recently I have had two friends my age (both 41) that have gotten pregnant. One friend had been trying for years with multiple miscarriages, the other friend only trying for a little while. Through my work I have been working toward taking this orphan and turning it into a creative force with field of creation. Both of these friends are the “helpers” in the imagery encouraging me to push through. 6 months ago this orphan was so stuck and would cry every time the news of yet another pregnancy would hit hard. Now she is free.
Dear mamas, This was a beautiful reminder Julia, thank you. I don’t remember if I wrote before about this but this post made me think about last year’s New Year’s eve. A friend of my husband invited us for dinner at his place and everybody was drinking alcohol except two pregnant women and me. I remember thinking this is ridiculous I am not even pregnant and I am behaving like them instead of drinking like everybody else. Then I don’t know if it was Julia or me but I realized it wasn’t ridiculous because I was already a mother like them. We were on the same channel, they were taking care of their babies, I was taking care of my body.
That day I got my period, I was disappointed because I had been vomiting a few days before (I was probably just sick) and I thought this was the month, but it wasn’t. It was the last time I got my period though. One month later I got the first positive pregnancy test in three years. I always pictured myself looking at this test and screaming and crying from happiness. But my orphans were not letting me do this. I felt extremely scared. Checking everyday to see if I was going to get my period, doing this for almost three months. Now I am 20 weeks pregnant! After three years, we conceived naturally a few months after I went to my first workshop. As you all have experienced, Julia’s work made all the difference for me during this journey and in my life in general.
Yesterday I re-read the chapter The Authority Vested in Me from The Fertile Female. I’ve read this chapter so many times and there’s still always a reminder in there for me every time I read it. There is part where it says that changes bring our orphans back again. So after I got pregnant, the same old orphans with and apparent different form took the wheel. I feared I was doing something wrong all the time, angry at people for their comments or for not being considerate enough, anxious that anything could go wrong, worried about not taking the right decisions. I thought to myself I shouldn’t be feeling all this, I should be happy! Now I realize I had to keep mothering these orphans. Ignoring them has never ever worked in the past.
Before I conceived I was birthing all these visionary moms with my practice. I knew what I was doing, I wanted to be fertile but deep down all I wanted was to conceive. Then after I conceived I forgot about being fertile. I forgot about nurturing my relationship with my visionary and strengthening the voice of ultimate mom. In other words, I forgot about my practice. Again a reminder about what this practice really is about, to birth the most fertile versions of ourselves and this is a lifetime job. That’s why I decided to come back to this beautiful circle that has always been so inspiring to me.
I know I was already a mother at that New Year’s eve party, as I am now, as I will be when the baby is born. I’ve been thinking that learning to find out what I need, what nourishes my mind and my soul, to look for those answers inside myself instead of using other people’s opinions, then to attend to those needs directly or by asking others for help is what makes me a mother. So I am onto that!
Dear Bravecaterpillar,
I enjoyed reading your story and am truly happy for you. Also thanks for the reminder that we need to keep tending to our orphans even when we get pregnant. It´s a lifetime task to mother ourselves. Sometime I think about mothering as when you put an oxygen mask on you first so that you can mother others. Welcome back to the circle, Eva
Many congratulations, brave caterpillar! And thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s so heart-warming to hear about “snowflakes” from the FH community, and to hear the stories that brought them into being, everyone’s being so different and unique, as indeed we all are.
And thank you for the reminder to keep birthing the most fertile version of ourself. I remember someone else who conceived saying something very similar on this site, and it’s such a lovely approach, and one I often come back to, particularly when I’m questioning whether something is supportive for me or not.
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!
Annabel X
I have always loved hearing Julia say that over and over again that we are birthing our most fertile selves and pregnancy is the side effect of the fertile heart practice. It took me a while to actually get it. I keep coming back to these blogs and this community and I use all that I learned here every day with my two miracles. There are no words to express my gratitude for what you gave me, Julia. Congratulations BraveCaterpillar, it’s wonderful that you decided to come back because you needed support, good for you.
I have to remind myself of this FH truth about a dozen times every single day. But it’s so true–we are here to become more fertile, not just to have a baby. I’m still wrapping my mind around that.
Dear Brave Caterpillar.
Heartiest congratulations to you and A from me and S!!
It’s so lovely to hear from you. And you are as eloquent as always.
Welcome back to the circle. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story. It gives hope and light. Wish you all the very best for the rest of your pregnancy.
Always look forward to hearing from you when you get a chance to check in on the blog or on the circle!
Lots of love & hugs.
P.
Thank you so much Chopin, AnnabelL, MariaMom and HarmoniousLife! I’m always inspired by all of you and I feel very blessed to be part of this group of such amazing, strong beautiful women. It’s good to be back!
At this moment it feels like so much movement is about to happen in my life. This week brought news that my husband will return to me in late July, and of a new pregnancy in our family (I will be an aunty again).
I am going to mother myself with the gift of slowing down and a little solitude this weekend. It is all too easy to run from all I am feeling right now; to call at a friend or relative’s house for a cup of tea or a game of lego with my nephew, rather than to face some of the really difficult emotions connected with all that is about to happen.
It is hard to be the eldest sibling and watch each of my younger brothers and sister become parents. It is hard to say that out loud too, because I don’t want to diminish anyone’s joy (including my own). But I know that I must make space to allow myself to feel it all. To allow myself to feel some of the pain anger and fear connected to my marriage, but to let my visionary, not the orphans do the communicating. It is all a challenge, & something to sit with for a little while over the next few days. I hope then it won’t seem so scary, once I have given the dragons in my heart a little time.
Dear RuthNoddfa,
Cheering you on for your new beginnings. I have an older sibling too and she’s not married. It’s hard to face the pressures we put on ourselves and sometimes our families who think they are acting on our best interests.
I pray for your inner visionary to shine through and show you the next steps on your journey. I can relate to the need for slowing down. Julia said to me in the workshop “hands off the control panel”. It’s hard but it’s exactly and only thing I need to do, I tell myself figure out only the one next step. Don’t worry about figuring out your entire journey in one sitting. We are co-creators only. So surrender to what comes and walk with heart open and head held high. That’s what my V tells me to do
Love and hugs
Xxx
I’m really struggling with mothering myself right now. I need to be reminded to take care of myself, especially after the disappointing last few weeks. For the last few months I’ve been waiting to hear about a potential job and recently found out that the organization is actually downsizing unlike their earlier projection. I think the disappoint is hitting me even more now because my current work situation has gotten worse. I’ve been struggling with what I really want to do with my life. There are aspects of my current job that I like but there are many minuses and many orphans have shown up at work. I feel like I can’t balance being a working mom and wife. My health is really suffering and yet I know I need to work and can’t just quit. I do have the tools to work with so I’m trying my best to take care of me but it’s really difficult. I think I’m fooling myself for wanting another child and having a better job. How could I possibly have both if I can’t even get one? Not great self talk and I completely realize it’s an Orphan talking…but that’s who has the loudest voice at the moment.
What did you say your username was sweet Mama K.? Sending you love. I have total faith that this battle is worth fighting. And if your faith waivers, you’re welcome to lean on my faith for a while, go right ahead. I’m available. Hope to hear your voice on the call on Monday and see what this war is about.
I hear you, PW. I can so identify with the orphans being loud. Mine get so loud, I honestly have trouble telling them apart from reality. It’s tough to walk the road without faith. I battle anxiety surrounding this journey and it makes it very tough to keep the faith. Hang in there, mama. We’re all right beside you.
Dear Fertile Mamas,
Chopin, how amazingly healing this is with you, your mother and your grandmother and butterflyfaith, roofing is a great analogy. Harmonious Life wonderful going to the workshop.
I have continued to do imagery related to wonderful eggs and body truth how would it feel if. I have been thinking recently about gratefulness. Usually when someone ways what are you grateful for, I mindlessly rattle off a number of items, but I’ve been inspired lately to really imagine what it would be like to be without something I am grateful for -what would I miss if say my husband were suddenly out of the picture. How would I look back on this ordinary day, today, and realize how blessed I was to have him around, what do i appreciate about him – a very powerful exercise. So often I’m critical of my body not performing, but what if I couldn’t walk around any more or something -What would I be grateful for on this ordinary day when I can walk wherever I please without a second thought? It sounds a little weird, but for me it’s a helpful tool to help realize what I have instead of always what I don’t have. And how many people are not lucky like I am to be able to walk and to have a husband.
Blessings to all.
Thank you, there was really something there for me in this post. I love that question “what am I grateful for on this ordinary day?”
Dear mothers-to-be,
I always send flowers to my mother-in-law in America assuming my own mother doesn’t celebrate this day in Czech. My orphan was too shy to ask if she does. On Sunday I went to visit an old friend that I haven’t seen in nine years, and last time I saw her she was very pregnant with her twins – I had the pleasure to meet them both, a girl and a boy on mother’s day. And on Monday we visited my parents and my mother gave me an old prayer book her grandmother gave her and her own baptism certificate, with her name on it that said Magda Marie. She hardly ever speaks about her mother, my grandmother, and if she does, it’s not very graceful. Her mother’s name was Marie. So I cried when she gave it to me and said it was so nice of her. I never knew she carried her mother’s name too. And the prayer book was a clear sign of her love, and maybe even her hopes for me to be a mother one day.
Here is to possibility,
Eva
Hi Mamas:
I’m having a tough time mothering myself because so much is going on with the end-of-the-year activities (and along with that, my end-of-the-year/time-is-soaring-past anxiety. Whoa! That’s a giant playground for my orphans to have a heyday in). I do know it is a very tough time of year for me normally, and mix in some major milestones happening, and it’s bound to be a very fragile time. I know I need to mother myself. But right now I’m like the parent of the angst-filled teen who refuses to listen, so Mom just throws up her hands and looks at the sky and yells “I just don’t know what to do with you!” I’m there. I find it so hard to keep the faith when, after doing xyz and feeling great about it, I still get the same result–no baby. It’s hard to keep going when doubt creeps in. Is this the right path? Is it worth it? Why bother? etc. etc.
I made the analogy to my friend the other day about how science is showing women make new eggs throughout their lives, but it’s the ovaries, or egg house, that starts to age and deteriorate, thus allowing the eggs to be harmed by the elements. “It’s like trying to keep things dry inside a cabin with a rusted-out, rotten roof in a rainstorm,” I said. “Things just get wet and damaged no matter how great they are inside. So the key is to keep all of our organs young and healthy.”
Then it came to me–I’m like the rusted-out roof. No matter what I do inside to prepare my eggs through vitamins or whatever, if I don’t take care of me (the roof), I’m still going to have a soggy mess awaiting me. So time to do some roofing, my fellow Mamas. Guess I should go write about this, right Julia? :-) That’s one way to wield a hammer and nails and fix this mess.
Happy Sunday everyone.
Dear Butterflyfaith.
I want to thank you for writing this comment. It inspired me to make the green juice in the morning last week after I read your comment. We all need to take care of the roof, meaning all our organs. I love this metaphor and conveys a much needed message to us to take care of our body child!
love.
Beautiful blog, Julia! I have not yet done the mother’s day special imagery but I want to do it before the weekend slips through my fingers.
It is healing to read all the comments. I have not kept my commitment of checking in on the blog via comments for past two weeks or so. I had an orphan
who was looking for excuses to not keep my commitment, but the visionary is stronger today. I feel like I mothered myself before Julia made this post by coming to the workshop on May 1st all by myself. I am looking for ways to add sweetness to my life and to my day but without being a task master at it. I do have a task-master kind of orphan. Who wants results right now for anything and everything and she makes sure i am always true to my duties and responsibilities and keep fun for the last if there’s time for it.
I am letting myself some slack by watching my new favorite series ‘Downton Abbey’ and reading some Harry Potter. Today I had a dream related to some kind of magic help. My car was parked in a hurry in a reserved spot at night by me and my companion. We went up to the room and are woken up at dawn by lights flashing and tow trucks towing a car from that spot. And we go downstairs and find that the car being towed is the same kind and color but with a different license plate and my car is parked safely in an open spot with other cars that are parked legally. it’s a relief of course and remorse for not realizing that we parked in a reserved spot. But I can’t figure out who re-parked my car behind us. Must be some angel. May be effect of reading Harry Potter books. I have to remind myself while reading the series that it’s only fiction although the lessons about relationships and friendships are most valuable.
I started my day by signing up for the introductory teleconference series and am looking forward to start coming Wednesday!
With love and hugs to all fertile heart mamas from jersey city.
Dear Fertile Mamas,
Albarcat that was a very real image and RuthMNoddfa terrific lunch and noticing what you are feeling and thinking. gutsymama, that flower is awesome and so is you’re accepting it andFearlessRose, wonderful vision and loving life. peacefulwarrior, wonderful for enjoying the day fully and Annabel great for helping your visionary to be strong. heather1975teaching, I am sorry your orphans are trying to be in charge. Thank goodness you are aware of them and butterflylfaith, I’m sorry that Mother’s Day brings thoughts of the loss of your mom, but it does show your healing from grief – because this day you are feeling it more, whereas when your mom passed away there was probably nothing else you could think about. I believe I get it because as you know, my parents have both passed away as well.
I have been doing the Fertile Heart Imagery II exercise adjusting for beautiful eggs and continuing with how would it feel to, body truth.
To treat myself on Mother’s Day (actually the day before) I did some self-massage – it was a pretty busy weekend as I tried to provide my daughter even extra time, hoping she can pass her subjects.
These are really amazing visionary Mother’s Day ideas. The world is in great need of wonderful mothers. So much pain in the world is caused, I believe, by mothering that could have been a lot better, if it was provided at all.
Blessings to all.
Dear Julia and visionary moms( and dads?)
Thank you for the gorgeous imagery. The scene unfolded in front of me- my son was 14 in his room,listening to music with a friend. My daughter (still to come) stuck the note on the mirror and watched me discovering it. We hugged and then the whole family went out for a noisy chaotic brunch. It felt so real. I hope people don’t mind me sharing- just felt I wanted to share that one.
I recently started working again, & I am mothering myself by packing an attractive and healthy lunch to take with me everyday, just as I would do for my child.
Another gift I am giving myself is the gift of time. Much may change rapidly within the next few months, but I can take time to notice what I am feeling & thinking within that.
I love the imagery! I had a wonderful mothers day. I went to the grocery store in the morning and when I was checking out the cashier gave me a flower and said “happy mothers day!”. I took it and smiled. I did not feel the need to dump “my story” on to her or feel blue about it. In my heart I know what Julia says above “Whether your children have already materialized in physical form or they’re still cruising in the over world, the umbilical cord of longing is already attached to your heart and that qualifies you for the Mommy Clan”. I belong in the Mommy Clan and I rejoice in that!
I just got back from a wonderful weekend away with some high school friends I have not seen in years! It was so rejuvenating having a “girls weekend” away. I went to Asheville NC and driving in it reminded me alot of driving into Woodstock when I went. Beautiful scenery and just nature everywhere to take your breath away. The restaurants around had alot of wonderful food. Green juices and fresh local ingredients all around. I went on a beautiful hike with my friends. This is the one time I wish I could put a picture b/c the view was just breath taking! In a way it was very affirming of how things are changing for me. It felt really wonderful taking care of myself and the weekend was full of wonderful pleasures and it really filled me up! It was great to see a place that embraces great foods and drinks! I just wanted to share. I was the only one without a child there but in a way I was glad b/c I listened to my friends stories of being a mother and sometimes alot of frustrations with kids and husbands and at the time I was thinking – ok good I needed this journey. I needed it. In my imagerys I hear over and over “just know you have the tools to help you on your journey”. Which is true. I really want to remember this so when I do meet my child and I may be super tired or even frustrated to say “hey hubby please watch our baby I need to go take care of myself with some body truth and imagery” and being able to incoporate this practice in me being a mom!
Dear Julia, Thank you for this lovely post. I did the imagery and I saw my second healthy child standing there – my tears in my eyes from this image turned into a sudden feeling that I know that we will have another healthy baby. It is a matter of looking after my body child and dancing with my life and my truth. Perhaps I saw this as this morning, my imagery was the Mirror of Truth and what I felt today made the difference is to Love my life – to bring back the feeling of adventure into my life, just looking around and loving life around me, the flowers that are now blooming, the warm sunny days (the weather here in the UK has at long last turned!), and being grateful for all my amazing friends and family. I have now turned a corner, not sure why, but it is time to close the door on “unreal” friends who feed my suffering and self-pity Os. I need my energy to look after my body child, my dear Os and to build my Visionary self. It is a slow but a very rewarding process, even if it is quite painful at times! And happy mother’s day to all you fertile heart mommies in the USA!
Lots of love,
FearlessRose
Happy Mother’s Day! This is a beautiful poem to remind me to keep walking toward my next child. Today I mothered myself by allowing my family to cook for me and being fully present in their presence. I didn’t rush the time and enjoyed everything we did together as a family.
Happy Mother’s Day, to all you American moms! Mother’s Day in the UK was a couple of months ago. Mother’s Day has actually never really brought up my orphans. Throughout my life it has been a day to celebrate and be grateful for my mother. And I am simply grateful that I am still able to do so, especially as she is now in her eighties. That said, a few other orphans have been rising up this weekend. And while I felt pretty delicate on Friday, yesterday in this beautiful weather we’re having here, my visionary was still able to embrace the beauty of the day: to go to our local farmer’s market and buy a ton of fresh food; to take a long walk in the park with my husband; to cook a lovely meal. It’s good to feel how the orphans can be there, but they don’t have to completely dominate the party, and how the visionary can be present too.
Can I just say how much I love this? I will be using the imagery exercise! I needed this lovely post as a reminder on how to treat my body child. I have been very reflective of late and interacting with so many orphans. My cycles after giving birth to my little man have been a source of frustration and the vicious return of my internal monologue berating my body has been overwhelming. I need to mother myself right now and soothe and comfort my orphan. Thank you Julia.
This is such a beautiful post, and a beautiful poem, Julia. To be honest, I’ve been sort of “forgetting about” Mother’s Day. This will mark the first one without my mom, and the anniversary of the last time I saw her before she got sick. It also marks yet another Mother’s Day where I feel the pinpoint jab of The Missing Child. But I also know how to refocus on not what I’ve lost, but what I have. So I will keep my heart trained on that and not let any sadness overshadow that day. I’ve got some tough anniversaries and milestones happening to me in the next two months, so I will be leaning into my Visionary Mamas to help me navigate through them.
Lots of love to all of my mama friends on this Mother’s Day weekend. And to sweet Julia, my mama mentor.
Dear Julia and wonderfully fertile Mamas,
What a beautiful poem from the Not Yet Born Child. I am so grateful for the Mother’s Day tips. They are so embracing.
I have been doing Meeting Your Child Fertile Heart Imagery and listening to my body as I move body truth. The imagery in this blog is beautiful and I will probably switch. What makes me a mom is all the things I do to help and support my daughter. One delicious thing I can do for myself on Mother’s Day is fill myself with gratitude for what I do have and comfort any orphans who show up. I am realizing that so many people in the world have a much harder time than me, and that is helping me to find strength to see challenges in my experience as less daunting.
I feel really good and grateful negotiating with someone who wanted my daughter to meet a tight deadline on something my daughter wants to do but it is not a school requirement. I’m so grateful that sometimes when you explain your needs people are able to help and in this case the deadline has been extended.
Blessings to all