Investing in a trip to Woodstock was a crazy leap of faith, But I was compelled to go. Click here for my story.
To me the subject of financing our IVF treatments, the next most promising natural fertility program, or the subject of money and baby making, is ultimately less about how much money we spend, and more about how our allocation of funds reveals our beliefs about the power of the dollar.
If it costs $20, 000 it must be more effective than a $450 workshop or a $350 private consultation, or a $49 imagery program.
No matter how passionately some of us might vote for a different reality, the truth is that at this stage of our evolution, the human psyche carries a deep imprint of what I call the Money Orphan.
Money equals value. The more you pay, the more valuable the service must be.
A failed IVF or the failure of a “natural fertility program” that costs $10,000 is a challenge to the part of us that equates a cost of treatment with its potential to heal us; it’s a challenge to the escalating commodification of babies and every other aspect of our lives.
I’ve observed it for years with people who attend a Free CAll, tell me how much the Fertile Heart™ tools make sense to them, and yet they will spend thousands of dollars on repeated failed medical treatments, or the priciest acupuncture program that promises the world, before committing a fraction of that cost to a workshop or ongoing circles, a one-on-one session or even buying a book.
This is not a conscious preference. It’s something most of us have no control over, unless we begin to carefully and compassionately observe it in our own lives.
If we want to know what we believe in, all we have to do is check our bank account.
The booming baby business, which includes both: the mainstream and the growing “holistic” infertility industrial complex is a mirror of how we feel about our own ability to be the repairers of our lives. A fertility challenge can knock us off our feet; it gets us to question our worth as women and creative, capable human beings; it calls for us to get clear about who we are.
For me and for thousands of other courageous moms whose journey I’ve had the privilege to witness in close to two decades, the pilgrimage toward motherhood was not only about conceiving inconceivable babies but about reclaiming our fertility in the deepest sense of the word. Seeing ourselves as powerful instruments of healing within our own bodies and lives and in our badly-in-need-of fixing earth-home.
This blog post was inspired by Amy Klein’s New York Times piece How Much Would You Pay to Have a Baby, a piece about Klein’s first failed IVF and her focus on financing her forthcoming in vitro-fertilization rounds.
I can not agree more with Julia’s post. After a failed IVF cycle, I signed up for Julia’s workshop in Woodstock. That was a life changing event because it changed my course of the journey. I realized that I needed to step back and instead of jumping on to the next IVF cycle, I needed to look inward and ignite the authority within me. From the moment I started doing the daily imagery and body truth my journey switched from a crisis to an opportunity. An opportunity to learn more about myself and heal so I can operate from the place of highest potential. While this journey is scary at times – trusting oneself is a tall order – something keeps pulling me to keep discovering. I then started experimenting with food and while I always have had a really good life style, minor changes proved to improve my daily life. I even thought to myself “If I hadn’t been presented with this challenge I would have never known that I can feel this healthy!”
Thank you Julia for your great work. It is such a blessing to have met you- though not yet in person! and have the opportunity to experience the Fertile Heart process. In such a short time I’ve found myself attending more and more to what the orphan really needs in me and have found that my ultimate mom and visionary mom are waking up in a way I never knew was missing in my life. I fear I may have been waiting for this second child to come in, putting my life and joy of life on hold. Now I can feel and sense being at peace with having no clue what is in store for me. But a commitment to live my life in the truest sense. What a gift. My life continues to improve by using these practices and am so appreciative.
After 4 rounds of IUI and 3 failed IFV cycles, we are out of money and still not pregnant. “Bad eggs” said the doctor. I trusted him more and more every cycle, but now I realize that I’ve chosen to pay another person to solve my problem instead of me working on it “for free”, comparing to the amount we’ve paid for treatments. I found your site accidentally, one night when I was surfing the Internet for alternative solutions for a 43 yo woman who desperately wants to get pregnant. I’m on track now, full of hope and learning every day how to get closer and closer to my unborn child.
Thank You Julia!
Dear Julia,
How very true this is. I went through 4 rounds of IUI, then 2 IVF cycles before switching to egg donor. Egg donation being the most expensive venture I had chosen to date. We emptied our savings and received generous gifts from family and friends in order to “fix the problem” and be able to move forward with having a baby. Only problem was, after 3 transfers with egg donor embryos I was still not pregnant. It was at this point when I read your books, and immediately signed up for your next workshop in Woodstock. That one day healed or contributed to “fixing the problem” in more ways than any one cent I had spent in the past 2+ years of medical treatments. After your workshop, I invested everything into your practice, buying the cds for imagery and body truth, as well as participating in the teleconference and then the visionary mama’s circle, as well as vesting in the expensive yet much better for you foods. All of that cost money yet also made me an active participant in my healing rather than paying for someone else to “fix” me. I am grateful for the healing process you guided me through. It has made me a better person, friend, wife and will make me a better mother. There is no doubt in my mind that your teachings and guidance are what got me to where I am today, almost 14 weeks pregnant and treasuring every moment of nausea and fatigue along the way. I have received the gift of me and becoming a mom this holiday season. Thank you Julia.
Money can influence so many of our decisions. In the bay area, we talk a lot about this with wine. Is it better because it costs more? But, in the case of IVF, the business and unregulated nature of its price is different from other purchases. The psychology of price might be similar but the implications are more detrimental. The big business and marketing around it is worrisome
Thank you for writing this, Julia.
There is more to this. The down side of great expense for treatment is the great pressure as well. With all the expense of the treatments, there is not the priceless gift of discovery of self, of how to navigate life in a healthier way. Historically people have been encouraged to go to the doctors to help them heal. Fertility is one area that is not exactly like setting a broken bone. There are many components. There are many areas where people are starting to want to trust the magic of their holy human loaf. I believe that is the way of the future.
Wow-did this article hit home in a huge way for me. My parents dipped into their retirement accounts and I borrowed against my retirement account to finance my first and only IVF treatment. It failed and the burden of knowing I will be paying off the money I borrowed for five years as well as knowing that my parents took a huge hit weighs heavily on my mind. I too felt, well certainly if it costs this much it must really work. I spent thousands of dollars on FSH medications only to find I had the same response as I did to the $35 dollars I had spent on clomid. It was a huge wake up call. That Money Orphan is one I am working on with as well. I have since made the decision to go as low tech and holistic as possible. I have found spending money on the teleconferences and CD’s to be the best investments I have made for my fertility future. I have “met” women that have touched my heart and helped me to reclaim my fertility. They have become an instrument of healing in my journey. Thanks for that Julia! This fertile heart journey has been a time of profound reflection for me. While it isn’t always easy- it’s been necessary and life changing.
Hello Juila,
I was looking forward to a new posting from you, as i find them a great source for re framing my thinking about my journey towards a second child. However,
I must say that reading the Klein’s blogs this morning made me really depressed–I shouldn’t have gone there in the first place.
While i totally agree with the price/attractively of possible treatments point that you’re making, i also know from first experience that there is more to hesitating before buying a book or CD as opposed to committing body and pocket to IVF or other treatments.
After my failed IVF i was devastated and spent my sleepless nights on the web. I came across all kinds of people who present themselves as people who can help women who go through this difficult journey. I was bought into one woman who promised to talk to my womb and was about to have an expensive Skype consultation but then she say she “does not feel i am committed to the process and hence it won’t work.” I then contact someone who promised to promote the mind body connection by Hypnotherapy. When i shared my experience he sent me a recording peace that was aimed to help me coming to term with the fact that i have one child and help me moving on. If i wanted more of that–I needed to pay. I decided not to move on, hence im here.
My point is that it is a wild world out there. It is not just one CD or one book women like me are being exposed to, especially when using on line forums –the ads of people who offer to support us on our journey are almost as many as the online forums to choose from. After I got disappointed with one or more type of support and in order to keep looking–i needed to find my passion and courage, not to mention the belief that out there there is something that will work well for me.
It is this and not the money that held me back for a short while before I ordered your book. From thereon, well, my journey has just begun:)
I can’t agree anymore with what you mentioned Julia !!
In my case this is the absolute truth. Had I come across fertile heart 4 yrs back before I started all the treatments, I wouldn’t have even appreciated such an invitation and without a second thought would have opted for medical aid, as its costly and most importantly – “you are relying on someone else to get your work done” – Now this was a critical piece for me, you pay and you get the work done, I am puttng all emphasis on doctors and not getting involved in the process. The failed IVF and medical diagnosis is what pushed me to look for help that showed hope and success in spite of such prognosis. This is where we got to learn about self, its truth and its power once we make it the authority