1. srjv      Posted 5 months ago #
   

   
   Hi ladies,

   Just wanted to share a little about myself and my journey toward my child before our phone circle tomorrow.

   We started TTC about 7 years ago. I was 24 and my boyfriend was 28. I always thought it would be easy as I have normal cycles and I've been dreaming of this day to hold my baby since I was 11. Was I surprised after so many months going by and never getting a + on those pregnancy test?? Oh yeah. It was so hard on me. After 2 years of no BFP we finally went to the fertility clinic near our place. We got many tests and finally got the dx that Dh had lower count and lower motility at time. It's been a fluctuated thing ever since. The dr then told us our best chance would be to try IUI. We did 3 with her with no BFP. All this was really hard on us. My DH wasn't really open about getting tested and doing it in a cup. In all this I wanted to respect that this was his body but at the same time wanting to know was important and knowing where to go after was also important.

   After 5 years of ongoing testing and going to drs, naturopath, acupuncture, urologist, ect, we finally decided to try adoption. Since we couldn't afford to pay for adoption we decided to go with government adoption which is free but takes very long. We had our home study, long and hard there too. Many orphans came out mostly from DH as he didn't want to share much of his childhood. We finally got accepted as a possible family in December 2009. To our surprised the social worker called in March saying she had a possible placement for us if we were interested to come in to talk about it. After many heartaches and weighting the pros and the cons about this adoption we decided that this child wasn't meant for us. This was so hard to say no after so many years of wanting a child but I just didn't see myself being his mother.

   Our next move after taking a good break and just trying "au naturel" will be to get DH retested to see if anything got better. If it did then we will try one more IUI at that new clinic which is more advanced in technology. I keep believing that we should be able to make it happen naturally but time has been proving me otherwise. Getting Dh to have sex has also been an ongoing problem for us. No matter how I seem to take him, he isn't really active in that area and there is always something more important to do before that. :( We also discussed the possibility of using a donor since it has been so hard on DH to get tested and I know his ego must take all this hard.

   During all this journey I found that we are solid together. It has been really hard on us and we have been trying really hard. So many times we thought we couldn't do it anymore and it could be the end of our relationship. But we made it. :) We have found each other and we have found a way to communicate. I think that we are more ready than we were before to be parents. I think this way we will be able to support each other better. I know it has been really hard for my DH to get out of his comfort zone but he eventually warmed up to trying new things. Since January I can't believe how much he has changed or I have. We were finally able to talk more openly about our decision toward the next IUI and using a donor and getting him tested. We were very open about our adoption journey and what we want and don't want. We went on a vacation a couple of weeks ago which was such a surprised for me as DH never takes vacation.

   I've found out about Julia's work around January and have been getting on the phone circles ever since. I love the imagery work and being supported by all these women. This journey has had ups and downs and still does at time. I just like that I've come so far since the first day TTC and now. I found I've grown up a lot in the last few years. It still hurts at time for wanting this baby and waiting so long to hold him/her. But I feel deep down in my heart and soul that I will be a mommy someday and I can't wait to embrace my baby.

   I've been writting in my special book that Julia talked about during a phone circle. It has helped me find answers that I was looking for. Right now we are waiting for DH to get his hernia surgery and all healed before we do anything else. Maybe during his recovery he will have more time to spend with me and will look forward to have more sex. ;)

   Looking forward for tomorrow's phone circle. :)

2. Wren      Posted 5 months ago #
   

   
   srjv, it's great that you found Julia's work. It will be a great comfort as you go through this process. I have been doing imagery work as well and it's been extremely helpful.

3. Seveke30      Posted 4 months ago #
   

   
   I highly recommend her workshop if at all possible!!

4. srjv      Posted 4 months ago #
   

   
   Thanks, unfortunatly I can't attend any workshops as it is too far and money and time isn't working out for me right now. I do the phone circle everytime since January 2010 and I bought both her books and CD's. I love it. :)

5. srjv      Posted 4 months ago #
   

   
   Does anyone know about any imagery or work that could help my DH with his count and motility? Since he was dx with low count and low motility as well as full antibodies and me being ok, it's hard to make it work alone. Since he the one that needs to do some work to make it happen. He also has low sex drive even before we were TTC. So any ideas on what I should do to help him? Thanks.

6. srjv      Posted 1 month ago #
   

   
   

   Long time I haven't around on the message board. I've been busy but thinking of all of you wonderfull ladies.

   Continuum of my journey...We had a fertility clinic appt on July 2. The dr talked to us about IVF-ICSI being our only option again. I keep telling him we can't spend that much money because we don't have it. We were there to discuss using a donor through IUI. I think it was good appt. DH was open about it and asking questions. We were given all the informations about it and everything that needs to be done before we can start. Seeing a psychologist is a mandatory for the clinic. The price was a little higher than expected so after much thinking we decided to wait until the fall to go with the procedure. Things are moving slowly but we are still moving and going forward. I was so impressed by my DH on that appt. He finally started to get more involve and taking care of business too. I wished though that he would work just as hard to understand that statistics are what they are but with positive thinking he can maybe help the situation and produce more sperms. That kind of thinking don't seem to be part of his life. I accept the way he is and I love him no matter what.

   Although haven't much active on the board or with the phone circles, I have been reading similar books to help with everything. I keep writting in my special book and someday this book will have a baby to talk about in it. :)

   Thanks for being all unique and wonderfull. :)

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