On the European Phone Circle we were asked a simple question - What is stopping you getting pregnant? My answer was simple - My Age.
I have read both of Julia's book - adjusted my diet, tried to think positive, found the acupuncturist, gagged down the wheat grass and dabbled in the visualisation but hadn't realised the extent that I wanted to commit to my journey until I was set the simplest of home-works.
I wasn't ready for body truth, I could understand the ladies that struggle with committing to work on the CD - I hadn't even ordered mine yet! And try as I might I couldn't find the 'time' for visualisation.
But inspired by,fellow phone circler, Anna's daily posts [and being more than a little afraid of Julia's disapproval] I sat to my homework - the 'Mirror of Truth'.
As I visualised myself, looking into that mirror, I saw an old woman who's body was letting her down again, just like when I got Cancer.
I could see myself in terms anatomical diagrams... of failing ovaries,sagging boobs and hot flushes.
I reached deep to try and look for my Ultimate Mum. I started seeing images of the good things I do, and the happiness I have with my daughter... how I'm a good parent to her.
Suddenly, quite suddenly, a realisation filled me. My body hadn't failed me - it had saved me.
I always thought that some miracle of medicine or mind had been the key. But no, now I realised that my body cured itself, sure it had more than a little help but battered by the illness, the treatments and the drug... it mended. It's now stronger than it's ever been.
When a look into that 'Mirror' now I no longer see that old woman - I see a happy energetic lady with bulging ovaries and an open heart.
Ask me what is stopping me get pregnant now... because it's not my age! I'm on an amazing journey of healing and exploration, I feel strangely privileged to have this opportunity. Thank you.
