http://fertileheart.com/forum/ Just another bbPress community en-US Mon, 06 Sep 2010 12:15:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://fertileheart.com/forum/search.php http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6132#post-35798 Tue, 17 Aug 2010 01:24:45 +0000 Athena 35798@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi, I'm new to the US Phone Circle and am sharing my story. I am SINGLE, 40 with high 30+ FSH. This journey is solo - trying to be a single mom by choice (SMC). </p> <p>Despite high fsh for years and having been told by two reputable REs in NYC that I would need donor eggs, I found New Hope Fertility and they were able to pull out eggs on my first cycle. The difference? New Hope uses natural IVF (no meds and A LOT cheaper). </p> <p>After freezing a number of day 6 embryos, I'm now trying to pull out some eggs and freeze them unfertilized. All in my journey is 3 years old. </p> <p>But, I'm getting SO VERY TIRED of having this rule my life and as I get older, my body seems to be cooperating less. I've turned to acupuncture, Chinese herbs and royal jelly which are beginning to help with the high FSH symptoms (no more hot flashes, more energy, cycles becoming more regular).</p> <p>My wisdom... negative and obsessive thoughts are a poison to the mind and body. Just as your mind works against you, it can be your strongest ally. Keep fighting! </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6141#post-35844 Wed, 25 Aug 2010 21:37:42 +0000 Kbc 35844@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hello all,</p> <p>During a moment of feeling low my husband recently reminded me to start thanking my body for all the hard work it keeps doing for me. To love it for all it's strength and possibility. </p> <p>He reminded me that I would never treat our child with so much disappointment as I do my body sometimes.</p> <p>How right he is and I wanted to pass it on to you all.</p> <p>Take a moment right now to sit and breath and say thank you to your wonderful body for all that it does and gives and how fertile it is becoming.</p> <p>Kbc </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6131#post-35797 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 21:02:45 +0000 theresat 35797@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Thank you to everyone on the call tonight - really enjoyed the learning. </p> <p>The homework was to think of 5 activities that tht are sweet to you, that are a source of sweetness. Julia then stated it is not the number, it is the truly source of sweetness to identify that is the important aspect of this learning and to use the message board at least once before our next community call.</p> <p>Theresa </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6147#post-35874 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:13:58 +0000 slang 35874@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi ya'll--</p> <p>Thought I would share. New to forums. Suzanne, 42, just starting working on baby. Very excited. Also feeling very challenged but good. </p> <p>Anyway, songs--any AL Green always gets me going. Let's Stay Together is kind of yummy. And, John Coltrane Ballads, Alicia Keys most slow songs. Hips Don't Lie is another good one to get it shakin'. </p> <p>There you go. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6140#post-35838 Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:38:53 +0000 SusanD 35838@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi, I just started to try Maca again and I wanted to share some of my experiences. I am 47 and still trying. I found out that you should get gelatinized maca, and make sure it is from peru. I tried Macafem and got really sick from it, but i think it was because it was not gelatinized. I did some research and I found Imperial Gold Maca and ordered it. It seems to be working, although when i take the actual recommended dosage, six capsules, I get really dizzy, so I am down to about 3-4 now. I will keep you posted on my progress, but I think this may be helping with hot flashes, and getting my cycle back. I am seeing good progress and my sex drive is though the roof. Has anyone else had experience with Maca? My husband is using it too, and he loves it. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6150#post-35885 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:20:03 +0000 Shana173 35885@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hello everyone,<br /> I would like to introduce myself and tell you a little about my fertility journey. I have been TTC for almost 1 yr and a half. I am 38 years, approaching 39yrs old. My wonderful hubby &amp; I have been married for over 7 years. After 7 months of TTC naturally and no luck we walked into a fertility specialists office in Nov 2009. It was then, they discovered a fibroid and off I went to surgery. It was also explained to me that I had an AMH level of .4 which means due to age they are diagnosing me with a low ovarian reserve. I was told, they were uncertain if I would even respond to fertility drugs which means I may not be a good candidate for IUI or even IVF. My FSH was 7.8 which is good but was told getting close to 10. We went in for our first IUI in April 2010. During this time I saw an acupuncturist and she got me started on some supplements. The IUI was unsuccessful; however, I was a surprise to the RE since I was able to produce 6 mature follicles. To get the 6 follicles, I was on the highest dose of injectable follistum. I went through I belive $8500 in fertility drugs for my first IUI which was covered my insurance. RE wanted me to consider egg donor. The experience was an eye opener and I wanted to start educating myself considering how this whole process was getting to become a real challenge. During the IUI, a fibroid was discovered coming thru the uterine lining. So off I went to surgery again. I was advised to go into IVF after I recovered. During my recovery, I decided to see another RE for a second opinion. This RE has the best IVF success rates in town. After more blood test, my AMH had risen to .6 from .4 which was a surprise to the RE who believes AMH only goes down, not up. I was loyal to my acupuncturist advice and took my supplements every day, did my yoga &amp; relaxed as much as I could. Even with the increase in AMH level, I was told my success rate at my age and with my AMH level was 15% nationally and with egg donor it was 60% nationally. Again, we had the egg donor talk. I was open minded, looked into a couple egg donor agencies. At this point, I just became confused. I thought I must be doing something right if my AMH level is getting better. I understand the clock is ticking and I am approaching forty. I went online and started looking for books to help me with fertility naturally. I had made a decision to put IVF and the Egg Donor option on the back burner. I came across Julia's two books and read them both within two weeks. Without hesitation, I have changed my diet, doing the visionaries, doing my yoga and learning to be more patient. I am detoxing also, my skin has never looked this good. In just a short time, I feel less stressed. I enjoyed my first phone circle and am inspired. I am going to enjoy this fertility journey and am determined to be a good student. So onto my homework. Look forward to learning from you Julia and connecting with others who are in the same boat as me. Sending baby dust to all... </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6101#post-35648 Tue, 13 Jul 2010 04:05:43 +0000 LisaJaimie 35648@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi everyone,<br /> I just thought it would be nice to have a place on here where we could all keep in touch.<br /> Drop a line, or just say hi.</p> <p>Wishing each and every one of you the very best on this journey.</p> <p>Lisa </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6149#post-35878 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 04:58:38 +0000 Kbc 35878@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hello US Phone Circle friends,</p> <p>Here is a link to one of my favorite juicy songs... Sting Singing - My One and Only Love</p> <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEkJoMNFPEA" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEkJoMNFPEA</a></p> <p>Kbc </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6148#post-35875 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:17:50 +0000 slang 35875@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>No clue and so embarassing and funny at same time. My husband and I were wondering. Should i be standing on my head or what? Any advice would be lovely. Thanks! </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6142#post-35852 Fri, 27 Aug 2010 15:44:16 +0000 gal 35852@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi All,</p> <p>Hope you all are well. Sitting down to do my homework from the last US circle. I have been in the process toward conceiving a second child now for a little over 2 years. Through some of that time - probably 9 months or so I took a break from actively trying to conceive and was becoming more in tune with myself and connecting with my partner and child. I am 40 years old and our son turned 3 on wednesday this week. When I started this journey I was extremely concerned about time and felt everyday was a loss. I did not think I would ever be still trying if I got to this point and had not conceived. My thinking has changed tremendously in the last few years and I now cannot see that my age is really such a predictor of if we will conceive again. Although at times it has been painful emotionally I have overall really enjoyed using the OVUM tools. I feel much more connected to my body and mind and live much more purposefully and soulfully. I believe what is taking up too much space in me is my past. I was abused in multiple ways as a child. The sexual abuse that went on many years has been my focus because it caused so much confusion and shame around being female, damaged my trust in others and myself, and disconnected me from my body among other things. I also feel my first child being born opened me up in a way I wasn't open before he was conceived. It brought me face to face with what kind of mother I wanted to be and opened up what I had actually gone thorugh as a child. This may be what is making this trek to the second child more laborious.</p> <p>Take care everybody,<br /> Gal </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6144#post-35857 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:27:28 +0000 jo2010 35857@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi everyone,</p> <p>I have been actively trying to conceive for about 2 years, but my fear of not being able to have children started well before that, when I was diagnosed with immune issues that, the doctors say, would make my chances very slim. And reality perfectly matched the predictions. I turned 41 and am still trying, even if with reduced hope. In addition to the pain of not having a baby, I have a bigger underlying suffering that rarely leaves me alone. I feel a bit like in the story of Milarepa in the Fertile Heart. No matter how much I try to get rid of the dragon, it is always there, some days more docile than others, but always there. I’ve always thought that people are in charge of their happiness, so I embarked in any journey that promised relief and joy, literally moving across continents and doing all the changes that made sense to me, but nothing really worked. Lately I have started thinking that perhaps I just need to stay put, there is nothing to be done, nothing to figure out, as in Julia’s first body truth exercise (how many times I listened to it…). This is my commitment at the moment: to stay put, accept the pain, and have faith that there is a meaning to my suffering. It is especially important for me to give meaning and recognition to what I feel and stop thinking that it is all my fault and that I could have done better. I am tired of hurting myself in this way. This is where I stand in my OVUM journey. Julia arrived in my life at the very right time and my learning with her I hope will lead me well beyond my desire of motherhood. </p> <p>Thank you all for listening and for sharing parts of this journey with me. </p> <p>P. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6139#post-35837 Tue, 24 Aug 2010 23:34:18 +0000 rosesmum 35837@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>I need a little guidance. I have gained so much for the fertile heart process. I have used imagery to help myself, my husband in his new business and my daughter who is panicking over preparing for some school exams - it's become a way of being. I am a better person for it.</p> <p>But today I find that my orphans are overwhelming me. Earlier this week I got a positive pregnancy result - I was over the moon. But today my period arrived. It has hit me hard. I had mentally written my testimonial/thank you letter to you all, to the European phone circle for their inspiration, hugged my acupuncturist..had tears of joy with my reflexologist - all to tell them I haven't achieved the fairy tale ending. </p> <p>My UM tells me to stop taking on others disappointment, my own is enough. Has anyone got any specific imagery recommendations for disappointment and perseverance?</p> <p>Yours in hope [and sadness]<br /> Rebecca </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6137#post-35833 Mon, 23 Aug 2010 16:11:23 +0000 Stacy_M 35833@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>I'm 39 and was diagnosed with high fsh/dominished ovarian reserve in March 2010. Prior to that I suffered 2 miscarriages - August 2008 and March 2009. I had an initial fsh of 19 with an antral follicale count of 4 on my dominant ovary (not sure if that means I didn't have any follicles on my other ovary?) I did one cycle of follistim w/iui in April which was unsuccessful. I was unable to cycle again right away due to left over enlarged cysts (I guess these are follicles so why don't they just say that?). My last day 3 testing my fsh was up to 28. The nurses says this is not from taking fsh hormone. I have not had a period since (May 24th). My biggest obstacle at this point is lack of menses and that everything I read tells me that I will never get pregnant and have a baby of my ovwn. RE prescribed provera to bring on my period but it has not come yet - they say to give it 2 weeks after the last pill and two weeks will be here this Friday and I'm very concerned what this could mean.</p> <p>This community and the phone circles have been so helpful with keeping my spirit up during this time but my negative orphans come out everyday and tell me there is no hope. Imagery is helping a little. At this point I just feel lost and scared. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6146#post-35866 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:30:15 +0000 Sharm1 35866@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi Ladies,</p> <p>Just checking on homework from the last cycle. I am 38 married for 6years (soon to be seven!). My husband and I have been TTC for 6years. Atleast 4 of the 6 years we have tried numerous iui and ivf cycles. Most of the ivf cycles were converted to iui due to low response. We have had about 6 retrievals and 3 transfers. The medical diagnosis is a history of endo that I have had three surgeries for the first one when I was 25.</p> <p>I have been part of this community for awhile now and the changes I have noticed in my body have been tremendous. Just changing my diet(mainly completely eliminating dairy), adding a lot more veggies and juicing regularly has completely changed my cycles and made them a lot less painful. The work also has helped me tremendously with the emotional journey. I keep remembering the words of Dr. Northrup in the "Fertile Female" where she says: if you heal your body you heal the generations that come before you and after you and that's what I think my journey is about. It's an Awesome Task.<br /> And I keep having to work with the orphan who says " Why me?"<br /> I feel like we are quite close to conceiving this baby but maybe it has not happened yet because there is more healing to do... I would like to make my relationships more juicy;the two that come to my mind is with my body and my husband. Increasing the level of intimacy feels like the next big step forward.</p> <p>Best to all of you,<br /> SP </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6143#post-35856 Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:17:59 +0000 JLea 35856@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>I am 40 years old. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and began trying to conceive almost 4 years ago. We have had many breaks in TTC due to prolonged job losses and repeated early miscarriages. My Western diagnosis is high FSH and the RE quickly recommended donor eggs which doesn't seem to be the right path for us. From a more Eastern and holistic approach, I believe that while I conceive easily, my body rejects the new embryo shortly after implantation (not ready or receptive).</p> <p>I have two step-children whom I am very connected to and yet have been longing for a child of my own from a very young age. </p> <p>This long journey has been a path of spiritual and physical healing and the Fertile Heart tools have been very helpful. I believe that my biggest obstacle is my reluctance to go within/stay within and trust the wisdom of my body and spirit. I have had the bad habit of giving much more authority to professionals, books, herbs and the latest supplement than to my own body's ability to heal. I believe that I was disconnected from this wisdom and trust at a very early age. I was adopted as an infant and, from the bits of information I have pieced together, my birth was long and traumatic and I imagine the pregnancy was stressful at best. </p> <p>There is also an orphan that periodically whispers to me that I don't deserve to have a biological baby, that biology isn't important and I am being selfish. It all seems connected to the same root.</p> <p>After reconnecting to a sense of joy and feeling that my physical and emotional work had taken hold we recently decided to try again. Unfortunately, I experienced many of the same symptoms (fewer digestive ones now that I am gluten free) but the same outcome. This loss has been particularly difficult for me and I have had great difficulty calling on the Ultimate Mom within. My Visionary seems very clear that one big missing piece is my being able to still my mind and body, open up and listen (regularly). This is the work I need to embrace to meet our baby.</p> <p>I am grateful to this community of women. Even when I can't find the words to post a comment, I feel a sense of connection to the feelings, struggles and thoughts expressed here. Thank you. JeriLea (JLea) </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6145#post-35862 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 10:55:38 +0000 cherbil 35862@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi- I'm 40 and was diagnosed with POF at age 38. My highest FSH was 100. Currently FSH IS about 40 off hormone replacement. I'm on Vivelle dot 0.1 daily and Prometrium 200 mg, for 12 days month, this is supposed to increase my chances of conception.<br /> I have been trying to conceive for about 4 years; married for 20. My recent change has been the mind-body connection and I'm using daily imagery, including Fertile heart, Randine Lewis' Meditations for fertile soul and Circle and Blooms. I'm also reading about the mind body use with cancer (Bernie Seigal, "Love, Medicine, Miracles." I think using the mind to help treat cancer is a similar application that we can learn from. As I think back to the time of my diagnosis, I had a life-changing experience at that time: I took care of my father who died of cancer (while living with me) in Dec. of '06. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6135#post-35804 Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:56:46 +0000 Burtie 35804@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi all,</p> <p>I'm new to the site and wanted to say hello and that I am very encouraged by what I've read so far. Your support for each other is wonderful and very heart warming.</p> <p>I lost my first baby 21 months ago; she was stillborn at 34 weeks. I fell pregnant very easily at 40 years old and had a fairly uneventful pregnancy until THAT day when she moved no more. It took 6 days from the day she died to the hospital finally inducing me and allowing me to deliver her. Very cruel and very harrowing. That was followed by a succession of problems and mistakes requiring me to have 4 surgeries in 16 weeks to remove retained placenta. I was then put on chlomid after that which didn't work; my periods failed to come back and now that I'm nearing 43 years old have been told that I only have a 10-15% chance of falling pregnant again, due to my age, and there is no point in having fertility treatment.</p> <p>It's been a long road ... a very long road and I won't bore you with the details and failings but my periods are back and I feel so ready to have another baby and desperately want to be a Mum. Of course, I will always be Mum in spirit to my darling little girl . We are trying but I nearly gave up hope after seeing my consultant yesterday, saying I was basically prehistoric and it was not worth bothering. </p> <p>Thank you all for being so compassionate to each other and giving new people such as myself, hope. </p> <p>Bless you all. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6124#post-35780 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:01:02 +0000 fleetgoat 35780@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi - I'm new to changing my diet around and I've been noticing a lot of the Fertility nutrition books recommending wild yams as a good fertility food. They seem to boost FSH so I'm wondering - if you have a high FSH and are trying to lower it, does it make sense to eat yams or should they be avoided pre-ovulation? </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6138#post-35834 Tue, 24 Aug 2010 11:21:53 +0000 Athena 35834@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.nih.gov/news/health/aug2010/nichd-11.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.nih.gov/news/health/aug2010/nichd-11.htm</a></p> <p>Hi Ladies,<br /> Thought I'd share this study from the NIH (National Institutes of Health). Looks like there is something to this mind-body connection. </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6136#post-35824 Fri, 20 Aug 2010 16:25:39 +0000 HilaryG 35824@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi Everyone,</p> <p>I am wondering if anyone has had any success dealing with insomnia. I have had a life-long battle with it and in the past my solution has been not to panic when insomnia hits and know that it will pass in a few days after I tire myself out. Right now when I am trying to conceive, this trick is not working. My doctors have told me I need sufficient sleep to conceive and my mind knows this and stresses itself out as a result of it. My "don't worry sleep will come" mantra of the past does not work because there is more at stake now. I don't want to resort to ambien or any other drug because I don't think they will help me conceive and I feel they are not getting to the source of the issue anyway.<br /> The worst bout I ever had resulted in 7 months without a period. This was when I was in college, and probably was exercising too much and not eating a healthy diet (beer and bagels, anyone?) anyway. I've never missed a period because of insomnia since, but since I know it's happened in the past (though 20 years ago!), I'm worried it can happen again. See how this vicious cycle goes?<br /> I finally ordered Julia's imagery CD today, and I am really hoping that helps, but I am wondering if anyone else is going through this, or has and has some advice on kicking insomnia's butt.<br /> Thanks for reading!<br /> -Hilary </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6134#post-35800 Tue, 17 Aug 2010 02:33:47 +0000 mandyq 35800@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hello All-<br /> Really beautiful to feel the connection with you all on tonight's phone circle. Julia, your "intro" tonight was wonderfully invigorating, especially to me, as I have now found (after a month or so of feeling like I have been slipping from work with the OVUM tools) a new energy to pursue this work. Relina's comment tonight about being tired- of being, and trying, and searching, and reading brought tears to my eyes as I realized that is exactly what I have been feeling for the past couple of cycles. Although I do check the message board each day, and do my imagery work, it has been difficult for me to stay on course and truly feel dedicated to this work. But I feel rejuvenated, thanks to Julia and all of you.</p> <p>My journey towards conceiving a child began just over 3 years ago now. After going off the pill, I got pregnant right away, knew I was pregnant for three days, then found myself in the hospital with an ectopic pregnancy. My left tube was removed.<br /> I am 31 years old.<br /> I do not have a diagnosis- other than unexplained, "tubal factor" infertility. I have had an HSG, laparoscopic exploratory surgery (no scar tissue detected) and have had three IUI's with clomid. We are now simply stopping all medical intervention. I am refocusing on healing from my emotional childhood situations, and am on the path towards opening and forgiveness with some estranged family members. All of this has happened as a result of my work with Fertile Heart and the workshop I attended in May. It feels good.</p> <p>My major obstacle right now is what I refer to as my "baby tunnel vision." Everything I do is connected to my deep longing for the life my husband and I envision. I sometimes feel like I have pressed the pause button on my life, and can't turn it off until I am pregnant. The obsession is tiring. I hope to gain a healthier perspective on my life through this work, and continue to encourage myself to focus on what makes ME happy, and mothering my orphans as best I can. Peace and tranquility to you all- Mandy </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6133#post-35799 Tue, 17 Aug 2010 02:05:41 +0000 jaimeld 35799@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Wow - what a night with the phone circle. I'm new to the phone circle and oh so shy! I will have to try my best to follow Julia's advice and speak next time we visit ;)<br /> For my intro/homework - I'm 33 years old, been trying to concieve for about 2.5 years without 1 positive pregnancy test (frustrating!). I have 1 daughter who is 5 and it only took us 3 months last time. I have been diagnosed with hostile cervical mucous and endometriosis. We have done many rounds of clomid and 2 iui cycles with no success. My surgery to remove my 2 cysts (endo) is scheduled for Sept 8th (wish me luck!) if I do not concieve this cycle.<br /> My major obstacle is feeling like my body has betrayed me. We (me and my body) have been through alot. My daughter was born with congenital heart defect and has had 3 open heart surgeries (latest one Nov 09). I think my body is not allowing me to be pregnant for various reasons - stress up to now with surgeries and maybe thinking it is my fault. I know intellectually it is not my fault and we are ready but I think this next baby and my body is telling me different.<br /> Anyway here is my story if anyone reads it and I look forward to our next circle.</p> <p>Jaime </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6130#post-35796 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 20:49:12 +0000 gal 35796@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi all,</p> <p>I am looking forward to the US phone circle this evening. My life has been so full lately - everything is very juicy. My heart play has been focused on an imagery around the path to our child. My orphans have needed attention over the last weeks so there have been a number of different visualizations to understand what it is they need. It has brought me so much peace to know I can turn to some quiet time and the tools when I am feeling like I am being pulled apart. We have recently opened the door more to adoption. It has brought up orphans as well. It feels good though to continue opening even though at times it is painful. Lastly I have been expanding talking more to others about these issues and how that has always been so difficult. Well talk to you all tonight,<br /> Gal </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6123#post-35767 Tue, 03 Aug 2010 03:46:22 +0000 Alana 35767@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi Nell and Mandy!! It's so nice to read your posts and hear how you're both doing. Relina, I have been on the past two phone circles and it was so nice to hear your voice, having last heard it from India on our post-workshop call. </p> <p>I was on tonight's phone circle and found the discussion on dreams so inspiring. I used to be an avid journal writer, but dropped the practice years ago. I'm committing to starting this again! </p> <p>I also connected with the idea discussed of asking yourself what you need to heal, what is that elusive bit that's hindering you in some way or showing up as anxiety and how to get to the bottom of it all and heal your holy loaf. It's very hard for me to "go there." I know that I should, but I'm afraid of unraveling. I want to be healthy as we enter a new cycle every month and not upset over my history and childhood. Nell, the quote you shared really resonated with me - "By failing to accept your suffering, the pain you feel will be much more acute and harsh." I know there's more work for me to do on this. It's hard to know when I've truly accepted things of the past. I've thought many times that I've dealt with it, yet it's always a part of me. </p> <p>Nell, what an interesting turn of events with the clinic! It sounds like you're doing some healing work and enjoying some play time. Sounds wonderful. </p> <p>So nice to be in touch again. Thank you, Julia, for tonight's phone circle. </p> <p>Alana </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6122#post-35757 Sun, 01 Aug 2010 22:19:23 +0000 jodykent 35757@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi everyone,<br /> I'm looking so forward to being with you all on the call tomorrow night. I am sorry to have not posted sooner since our last call, and continue to notice the call to be numb.</p> <p>Earlier today I did a Kundalini meditation class and then a yoga flow course. I came out of them feeling open and heart-centered. I generally call my parents on Sundays, and I came home and did that today...heart wide open. My mother said a couple of things and I got very upset. She suffers from mental illness and was abusive when I was growing up, and she continues to be abusive sometimes, as she doesn't have much capacity to be nurturing or loving. Just when I think I have found forgiveness and I have been compassionate for awhile, I get hurt, defensive and very angry, which is what happened today. I was not very generous with her, and I hung up pissed off.</p> <p>I screamed into a pillow a few times to move the anger, and I felt better. But my way of dealing with my mother is to go numb. After a childhood of abuse, I had stopped feeling my emotions and I binge ate to stuff down the pain. It has taken years of healing to find my emotions and experience them...and even longer to want to be a mom myself. While my weight is now at a healthy place, the pull to eat is never far away. I'm committed to ending generations of abusive mothers and to bringing healing to my family. I feel that is one of the reasons I am here.</p> <p>We had a miscarriage last year (when I was 39) and have not gotten pregnant since, even though all of our numbers are normal. I am fearful, of both another miscarriage and of the legacy of how motherhood looks in my family. Yet I'm called to be a mom...even through the pull to go numb.</p> <p>Julia asked me to do the "three steps forward" imagery exercise, which is about moving past the fear of another miscarriage. I did that today, and the fear I saw in the exercise was a spiteful, mean and very angry young child/mass of energy (hard to describe but reminded me of me as a child) that I blew up and washed away. I then took three steps forward and embraced a healthy pregnancy, delivery and beautiful baby. </p> <p>As also assigned by Julia, I did "The Playground" imagery exercise next. For those of you who haven't done it, I climbed a mountain, encountering guides along the way. When I got to the top, there was a playground with children playing. My child saw me, a tow headed boy playing ball with others, and he ran toward me and into my arms. I got so very present to how much I love and want him. All the numbness disappeared and I sobbed. And rather than despair, it felt beautiful.</p> <p>I feel hopeful as I write this. I just ovulated a few days ago. I so want to be pregnant, and the part of me that is scared of the disappointment of not being pregnant for yet another month wants to go numb so it won't hurt. Yet, I am seeing more clearly how that numbness keeps the longing away...and I trust Julia when she says that feeling that longing is the path to fertility.</p> <p>Thank you for sharing yourselves and for your support. When I read your posts and listen to you on the call, I am moved by your courage and beauty. Jody </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6119#post-35746 Fri, 30 Jul 2010 03:53:21 +0000 Sharm1 35746@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi Ladies,</p> <p>Just wanted to check in on what I would like to do for home work over the next week.<br /> 1. Imagery that I conceived with Julia on the "Door to Freedom". Feels really great when I open that door and feel that I really need to get out there and be "Free". This very strong desire to have a baby for so many years has really tied me down and ruled my life.<br /> It's time to let go. I know in my heart that if I am meant to have a biological child I most definitely will. If not there are so many wonderful ways to be an amazing mom. I have to live my life and be free and I am making a commitment to start doing that.<br /> 2. I am doing the cry for justice body truth imagery and will continue to the end of the week and then I will pick something new. I love the silent scream...I have so much to scream about so many years of frustration and disappointment. Feels great to incorporate my whole body in the scream...what a relief.<br /> I need to let go and need to do it now. I feel that life is passing me by..and I am looking in the rear view mirror.</p> <p>take care,<br /> Sharmini </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6125#post-35781 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 20:07:25 +0000 Kbc 35781@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hello everyone,</p> <p>I am needing some support as this month I am finding it hard to let go and trust my pilgrimage. I am 43 with an elevated fsh and all other tests normal.</p> <p>Monday was the due date of the baby that I miscarried at 13 weeks. This was a very hard day to pass through.</p> <p>I also find myself regretting some of my past decisions surround which month to start trying again after the miscarriage when my body was highly fertile and I, against all urges but afraid of another miscarriage due to luteal phase too short, waited one more month. Since my cycles have been ranging between 11 days and 30 days (more on the lower side). My basal temps are not always constant and average quite low.</p> <p>I have been happily without milk product, wheat / gluten and refined sugar for the past 3 months. I follow the other diet guidelines FH speaks of too and do wheat grass each day and juice (for the past month). I do yoga at home regularly and 2 times at a studio a week. I walk a few times a week. I do the meditations each night and visualizations in the day.</p> <p>Yet I can't seem to rise above the orphans that say I won't get to have this next child and my heart aches to a depth that only you reading this would understand. Sometimes I find the trust the real place of letting go and I believe that all will be right and life has ease and this journey is not as hard.</p> <p>I ask for patience in this pilgrimage. </p> <p>I would appreciate your words of support and encouragement.</p> <p>Thank you</p> <p>KBC </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6113#post-35715 Thu, 22 Jul 2010 00:01:59 +0000 gal 35715@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi Jody,</p> <p>this is Gal- I heard you on the US phone circle on Monday and just wanted to say I am 40 too and my birthday is very close- Feb 25. If you would want I am open to having a cup of tea or something one day. I don't mind coming up to Phoenix. This message board is great and I really enjoyed when I went to Woodstock for the fertile heart class. There is something to be said though in being able to talk to someone in person. I do not have really any friends here who understand having this longing for a child. They seem to see it as it either happens or it doesn't and you just move on.</p> <p>Take care,<br /> Gal </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6115#post-35729 Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:29:25 +0000 NellB 35729@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi friends-</p> <p>I reached a new level of despair with my recent failed IUI. It came with a profound feeling of defeat. We feel we're at a turning point and I wonder if others have advice that will help us make the decisions in front of us.</p> <p>I have a fertility challenge that makes my cycles long and slow. I haven't ovulated naturally for many years. With medical stimulation, it takes me a very long time to ovulate and often the cycles are not viable by the time I do (my uterine lining isn't ideal, I've produced too many eggs, etc.). With consistent Western medical treatment (and acupuncture and Chinese herbs and the OVUM approach), I've only had the opportunity for two IUIs in the past two years. I got pregnant with the first, but I miscarried. This last one, two weeks ago, was unsuccessful.</p> <p>Impatience isn't a strong enough word for what I'm feeling. I'm sure you all can relate. Each and every day feels like an unbearable amount of time and it requires monumental effort to make it to whatever my tangible next step is toward making a baby. Not to sound dramatic, but it feels sort of like I am in prison and when I get "bad news" (e.g., an IUI has been unsuccessful), my release date has been postponed.</p> <p>The doctors say they are very confident that IVF will work for us. We do not want to do IVF (not only because of the immense financial strain, but we want to keep the interventions to a minimum). But we are so ready to meet our baby. We are wondering if we can handle the additional months/years of trying to produce IUI cycles. Are we ready for IVF or would we be giving in and moving beyond our comfort zone too quickly?</p> <p>I have great faith in the OVUM approach and have incorporated several of Julia's exercises into my daily routine. But is it "wrong" to try to shorten our journey? We are really struggling with this decision and I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has faced similar questions.</p> <p>Thank you.</p> <p>Best,<br /> Nell </p> http://fertileheart.com/forum/topic.php?id=6118#post-35745 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 22:33:54 +0000 jo2010 35745@http://fertileheart.com/forum/ <p>Hi everyone,</p> <p>As homework I have been doing the orphan/visionary/UM exercise in relation to food, visualizing in turn how and why my orphan eats, my visionary eats, and my UM eats. In my case it is not a question of what I eat but mostly of how I eat. I eat fast, devouring things as if someone were about to steel my meal. I do also eat compulsively at times, but the compulsion is more in the modality than in the substance. I tried to impose slow movements and thoughts, but did not get many results. I got, though, many insights. I have never realized before that this modality is partly dictated by a huge fear of poverty, of lacking the material means to provide for myself. Now, without a job, this fear has increased, even if it is not totally warranted. One day when chewing I had a memory of how painful it was for me as a kid to lose a few dollars that I naively lent to a friend, and how much that memory and the guilt stayed with me. I always tend to look at how much things cost, not at what I LIKE to buy. And I have lived based on survival strategies: if I do this thing, will I survive better than if I do the other thing? I cannot do things just for pleasure, they must have a purpose and it better be an important one. And when I eat I also feel guilty for consuming expensive resources. I know this might sound crazy, but I do feel that.<br /> I also use food to escape from thoughts or things I do not want to realistically analyze. And I often would go on and on eating without ever feeling full - and I struggle to put on weight. I must struggle to absorb all the nutrients, even if my diet is complete and carefully thought of. In the exercise the orphan wants to be done with food as soon as possible, like if food was something to pass through the body quickly and be entirely eliminated. But this is not the whole story, I know, I need to keep working on it.<br /> I have to say that this exercise has given me many insights and I think I am at least more mindful of my eating habits. I am also experimenting with several moments of meditations to slow down and just accept what is there for me. The meditation in the body truth CD has helped me with this word, acceptance, I tend to repeat it over and over, to accept things as they are, I do not want to force or change anything, the change will come from accepting how things are right now. I am trying new ways to combine the orphan exercise and the meditation.<br /> Thank you for listening, girls, and thank you for your insights too.<br /> P. </p>